"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding." -- ??
For some reason, I can remember the words clearly for a week but cannot find the exact scriptural reference tonight.
Here it is, Proverbs 3:5:
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
9 Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase:
10 So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.
11 My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction:
12 For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
13 Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.
I encourage you to read the full chapter at lds.org: Proverbs 3
Trust in the Lord -- the other day I was thinking of some current struggles and sobbing about this statement. Its just not that easy. Four little words make it sound like, "Hey, no sweat, how hard could it be." And yet, I find myself again and again struggling to trust in the Lord, and not on my own understanding. And every time it works out I apologize to my Father in Heaven, and like my 2 and 1/2 year old, I say, "I will NEVER EVER do that again." I will NEVER EVER doubt again. I will NEVER EVER struggle to leap. I will NEVER EVER lack that faith. And yet, here I go again.
I also know something else that I tend to forget. The Lord loves me. Another four words that don't really accurately portray all that my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, are willing to do for me. Another four words which my pea-brained mind is only beginning to understand.
So, just how does this apply today?
I know that I am special. Not special, "I'm better than you" special. But special -- as in unique, special. As in God threw away the mold when He was done baking me. As in, there was no mold because He carved me by hand -- is STILL carving me by hand. And I believe that each of us is a very unique carving by the hand of God.
I married a man who has been divorced twice. You should have seen the looks I got -- like I was yet another woman to break his heart, or there must be something wrong with me because he doesn't have good taste. Let me tell you, it takes a special kind of woman to be a 2nd or 3rd wife. (And I imagine the same goes for a 2nd or 3rd husband.) You have to be the type of person who is really good at finding the (sometimes broken) diamond in the rough, willing to take on a long-term project, and be very self-confident in who you are. It was very humorous to me when everyone in my husband's life assumed who I was or would be. It didn't take much for me to knock their socks off -- but I'm used to that. People just don't see the tornado that's about to hit them when they meet me. ;)
So, how do I make sense of this? Did I just "get lucky" that he was divorced? No. Not by a long shot. I know that my husband and I knew each other before we were born, and that we were meant to be married. I know that because of who my husband is, he made choices, and I made choices, and in the end, it all worked out. And I know that God knew that. I know that his divorces helped him appreciate me more, and my dating experiences help me appreciate him more. And I have a feeling, that if it didn't work out, God had a really good back-up plan in mind for me. ;) (tongue in cheek) But even though we both have a testimony of our marriage, it is good for me to occasionally remind him that "he wasn't my only option".
Furthermore, I know that I will be married to my husband for all of eternity. And my children will be mine for all of eternity. I know that in the next life, everyone receives that which they care most about. My husband wants a mansion in Heaven. I just want a cottage in a clearing in the woods with a large garden that never gets weeds -- where it is very quiet when I need it to be quiet, and where the animals are loud and noisy when I need the distraction. And where there is a path to the city, if I ever want to leave and enjoy the theatre. And at night, it is so clear that I can see millions and millions of stars. And any service God needs me to do will be done via computer, unless its for children -- then I will show up in person, "with bells on". (Sorry, I digressed for a minute there.)
But this is where I trust in the Lord, and lean not unto my own understanding. For He knows who I am, and what will make me happy. He knows the depth of my heart, and breadth of my personality and how little room I have for inadequate previous wives. And again, tongue-in-cheek, if my husband doesn't meet me in my wooded clearing I'm sure there's a REALLY good back-up plan waiting.
