Thursday, June 21, 2012

When Moses Went to Mexico

When I was married, it was a long week.  My mother-in-law died the week before we got married, and it got worse from there.  When the elderly officiator at my wedding saw this young couple in front of him, he thought it was a good time to impart some of his life-long wisdom to us.  Because it had been a terrible week and because I try to look for meaning in my life, I listened very intently to what the wise man had to say.  I had been taught that if they have gray hair, you owe them an attentive ear.  I thought surely something he would say in the next 10 minutes would somehow come to mind and save my marriage some day in the future.

I soon realized he was delivering an encapsulated version of the entire history of the Gospel of Jesus Christ --- sooo, I acted my age and politely nodded.  I knew this already.

When I left the temple, my sister was waiting outside and said, "SO, I hear Moses went to Mexico!"  "Huh?"  "The officiator, he said, "and when Moses went down to Mexico"".  Hmmm -- my wheels turning. "He did!  You're right!!!"  (Since we all know Moses went to Egypt, this was a good chuckle.)

I was thinking of this the other day.  My mind was also wandering to the fact that my 10-year anniversary is approaching.  I was thinking of what I could say I had learned after a decade of marriage,  and then thought of this officiator.  How my search for deep meaning that day had turned up an empty harvest.

And then, "Duh!"

What I have learned in almost 10 years of marriage, and what I learned from the officiator that day (now that I think about it) --- was a reminder to never take yourself too seriously.  Here we were, a long, hard week which almost resulted in no wedding at all .... making an eternal, never-ending commitment.  Seeing ourselves beyond this life, in a way only God sees us.  And in the midst of it, "Moses went down to Mexico!"

Take your promises/ commitments/ covenants seriously.  Take your duty to your spouse seriously.  Be dedicated to them in every way --- even when you have to tell them to just "Cool It!".  But never, ever take yourself or each other TOO seriously.  Laugh.  Laugh in your anger.  Laugh while you cry.  Laugh when you pay a bill off.  Laugh when you can't pay it off, because the car broke down.  Laugh when you're ready to kill each other.  Laugh when you know you're wrong and just can't admit it.  In the grand scheme, compared to our Father in Heaven, you are still two kids playing house, trying to figure out how it all works.

May all your Moses' go down to Mexico!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Out-laws

I had a boss one time that referred to her in-laws as "the out-laws".  She was married, with a daughter in college, and her mother-in-law was still encouraging her son to divorce his wife because she hadn't given birth to a son.  They had a beautiful daughter, but couldn't have any more.

I know that family businesses can tear families apart.  People get greedy, or feel their survival is threatened, and they do cruel things.  Money has this strange effect on even the tightest bonds, people kick into anything between "fighting for survival" and "fighting for a pipe dream" that wouldn't do them any good anyway or one they will never live long enough to see to fruition.  I know good people, grown adults, who are still seeking the approval of their abusive parents, and it will never happen.

Some families deal with theft, abuse, violence, psychoses, and hatred.  And on the other hand, some families just can't communicate well.  The former have good reasons to be estranged, to protect themselves from further harm.  The latter, just don't get it.  Oh how short these moments are on the stage of eternity!!

I know a wise woman, one I admire, and she taught me, "Consider the source."  This advice has saved my career in more than one moment, but I think it has further application.

If you are in one of those families that doesn't have any "real" issues besides terrible communication, and you are at a family function .... just, "Consider the source."  Be pleasant, kind, and outgoing.  Be helpful.  When all is done, get in the car, drive away, give your spouse an earful about your family and your in-laws, etc., etc., etc.  But when all is said and done, consider the source.

What was said that you didn't like?  Why was it said?  Were you actually there or did it get relayed 2nd hand?  Was it said out of love and concern, or hatred and cruelty?  Every family communicates differently, most individuals communicate differently.  Some individuals, even though they have adapted to their family communication style, still feel like its a "one size fits all" style that well, ... ... doesn't truly fit them.  Then, what do we do?  We go and throw in a bunch of in-laws, who don't know the "code of conduct", or will never fit into that "one size fits all" dress.  And before you know it, we have some more "out-laws" because they don't fit into the dress.  You've spent a lifetime learning to fit the mold, and you've fit it because that's all you've known.  In-laws are lucky enough to see the mold, and know that it doesn't have to be.

So, consider the source.  Ask yourself, which category it falls into: 1) different than my world view, 2) more open and frank than I appreciated, 3) insensitive, 4) vengeful, 5) intended to do harm, or 6) intended to incite war.  What do I know about this person?  Do they usually aim bows and arrows at the hearts of others OR are they generally a good person who married and cares for a member of your family?  And how much do you care for that member of your family?  Does your mutual past, memories,  or shared lifetime, mean anything to you?  ....  Then, consider the source.

And after you "consider the source", pray for them.  Get on your knees and pray for their health and happiness.  Pray that you may know what they need and how to help them.  Pray that they my know the joys you have in your life, and pray for understanding.  Pray for forgiveness and gentleness of heart.

The other person in my life that I admire is my husband.  He would give away our very home to help someone in need, if I let him.  He remembers others, he prays for others.  I am so buried in getting through each tough day, but he is the one who looks around for those eternal service opportunities.  I wish someday to have the courageous heart he does.  I yearn to have his courage to speak out about what I see, and what I care about.  I wish people could see him as I do, and know that I am better because of him.  He values family.  He is the in-law, and still comes home and prays for my family.  He prays for every single need he sees, and I don't know how he does it.

Like my blog subtitle says.  My life is perfect, but I'm not ... I'm working on it.



Thursday, June 14, 2012

A Family's Decisions

I have a few thoughts tonight.  My son just finished Kindergarten.  He scored the highest in his class on the standardized test in the subject of reading.  There were other awards earned, given, and received, but I am very proud of my son.  And, I am very proud of this family.

People say a lot of stupid things about working moms, about families with two working parents, and even about families who choose private school over public.  When it comes to these trades in life my theory is: Be happy with your decision.  Be honest enough with yourself to change it when it doesn't work.  And respect the other woman or mom enough, to let HER be happy with HER decisions.

Our family juggles a crazy schedule, a good dose of hardship, long commutes, and ........ regardless of all that ...... my child has still learned to read.  We have made our decisions with a lot of thought and prayer.  Depending upon the choice, we continue to "check-in" to make sure that this is the only solution or that it is the solution we still desire.  We are not my mother's family, or that other family at church, or that other family at school.  We are OUR family.  Our children are loved, and they and their education is a priority.

And I am very proud of my son and our little family tonight.

Friday, June 8, 2012


I am helping to index the 1940 census for easy computer searching.  Go to https://familysearch.org/1940census for more info.