Serving in Primary

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Primary is the organization responsible for the children ages 18 months to 12 years old.  Since we have a lay clergy, this organization and its teachers are all volunteers.  We're also responsible for a pre-teen girls group that meets twice monthly, and the cub scout group.  On Sundays, Primary has two hours of instruction, music, and maybe a game for the children.  One Sunday per year, the children give a presentation to the entire congregation during the main church service, or sacrament meeting.  I am currently the Primary President for my local congregation or ward.  We believe that our assignments or callings come from the Lord through inspired leaders who pray about these decisions.  I know that Heavenly Father has directed my hand when I have asked the bishop to assign various people to my Primary -- yes, mine.  I believe the Lord wants us to take ownership of our callings and our ward.  I have had very clear answers in choosing my teachers and counselors.

I am grateful for my assignment in Primary.  I may be wrong, but I think I've been in Primary since the autumn of 2009 -- this time around.  That means that for two years I spend the first hour of church struggling with my own children in a pew trying to keep their sounds somewhere below a roar, and the next two hours assisting teachers, struggling with or teaching everyone else's children, and still struggling with my own.  The experience itself is exhausting, but its also often frustrating when the adults are unreliable.  That means that for two years, I have not heard an adult lesson in Church and it would appear to some that for two years I haven't felt the Spirit in Church, but they would be wrong.

I am a busy person.  I don't even say it anymore, I pretty much refuse to, but people come up to me and tell me how busy I am.  They just don't know the half of it.  I don't have time to talk about it, I just run.  Most of it, I do to myself.  Some of it is the result of various external influences.  Lately, its completely out of hand.  I know that I often come across as cold or unfriendly to other adults because I am so focused on getting the day done, on being there for the ward's children and keeping an eye on my own, that I don't stop.  I barely see anyone else.  But that is exactly why the Heavenly Father put me in Primary -- because He knew what these last two years would be like for me spiritually, personally, and professionally, and He knew it was the one place where He could still break through my tough "survive at all costs" exterior and reach my tender heart.

Me, with two college degrees, who leads teams at work and at Church, who can in one breath size up a junior engineer, a multi-year cost account on a government contract, the contents of the refrigerator at home, and the local six year old.  I've studied the Gospel in depth, and served a faithful full-time mission.  No matter what's going on, or how distracted I am, I can be reached in & through a Primary lesson.  My Father in Heaven can reach my tender heart through the honest, straightforward questions of a handful of children.  He can reach me by letting me know that the 20 minutes of instruction I provide are some of the most important moments in my entire year.  And I know that I don't want to fail those children.

I am grateful and very honored to serve the children of my ward.  I know that the Lord has guided my hand in powerful ways to select my counselors, secretaries, teachers, Nursery leaders, Activity Day & scout leaders.  I know that being a Nursery leader for the 18 month old - 3 year old children is not a baby sitting assignment.  I know that it is pretty much the most sacred calling in the Church.  You are laying the cornerstones of their testimonies through music, talking, and play.  You are showing them that someone besides their family loves them dearly.  That this is a tree, it has leaves, and that God loved the children so much that He made a world of trees for them, that He made apples for them to eat, and dogs that go "woof, woof".  You are teaching my son, his favorite song, "I Love to See the Temple".  You are holding my daughter while her mother teaches elsewhere, because God asked her to  -- and only because she knows it was her Father in Heaven who asked.

So, support your local Primary president.  Accept the assignment, or accept the request to substitute teach.  But better yet, support her when she calls that Nursery leader -- quite possibly she prayed about it and is merely running the Lord's errand.

He Goes To Kindergarten

"The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was...." almost five years old. And he begged his mom to wear his church shoes to his first day of Kindergarten because he wanted to "be fancy". And he stood there in long pants of dark blue corduroy, a white polo already bearing the mark of a morning's granola bar, gray dress socks, and black leather shoes waiting just long enough to tolerate pictures with his mother's cell phone. And it was all she could do to hold it together in a maze of parents and excited children, even though she wanted to scream from the rooftops, "This is my son. My baby. He is special because I say so. And listen up world... you will not harm him, and you will be kind to him!" Then in a flash, that boy, ran off toward a table of Lego’s, and never looked back. (And the subtle humor of that moment was not lost on his engineer-mother, for she saw herself in him.)

And even though this was not the first morning she had said good-bye to him, it was a significant morning. The baby she had waited for, fought for, and prayed for, who had miraculously appeared via a phone call on an average Monday (literally by special delivery from God, Himself) ... who had turned her life, her house, and her heart upside down ... was no longer a dream. He was hers. He was a boy who would someday be a young man, who would someday leave her. And she would have to trust him to the world and to the Lord. Trust him to be safe and good and kind and righteous ... trust him to be whom she saw that very first day she held him in her arms.

And when that almost five year old was safely at school, she opened the door to her car, sat down, and she cried. She cried and she cried and she cried. And somewhere, she found the strength to let him grow.

(The quote and inspiration are from Love You Forever written by Robert Munsch with illustrations by Sheila McGraw.)

Yard Quote

Again, in the yard, as a family (with an almost 14 month-old, and a 4.5 year old) ... and it is getting hotter by the  minute:

Son: "I'm tired of helping."
Dad: "Yep, I am too.  I'm tired of helping you brush your teeth."
Mom: "Yep, and tie your shoes.  And wash and fold your clothes."
Dad: "And make you dinner."
Son: "I didn't wear those shoes today."
Mom: "We're talking about every other day when you go to school.  We're tired of helping."
Son: "But that's your JOB."
(Like I don't have other things I want to do with my life?????)
Dad, without missing a beat: "And its your job to be a member of this family and help us in the yard."

(GOSH!  This is classic, isn't it!!!)

Satisfaction @ Work

Satisfaction is when a senior colleague truly listens to what you have to say, and when you realize that the previous time you spent forming and editing your argument has not been wasted.

Satisfaction is when a junior colleague listens to the task, and voluntarily reports back on their status.

Satisfaction is when you receive an e-mail telling you how much you are appreciated for the quality work you are doing, especially when the previous day was oh, so bad.

Satisfaction is when other people are excited to help you plan and execute your career path.

Satisfaction is when your boss backs you up on your ideas.

Satisfaction is a day well spent.

Satisfaction is when its so bad (and yet the same as always), your only recourse is to laugh a deep, long laugh until tears squeeze out of your eyelids.  (Then you remind yourself, "this too shall pass".)

Satisfaction is when your team leads provide their weekly reports, and thankfully, you already know most of it.

Satisfaction is when a colleague seizes the career growth opportunity you are providing, and runs with it.

Satisfaction is when you declare you are waving the "manager flag" and you say we "have to" even if we don't "want to", and your team still goes with you.

If I Owned a Gas Station ...

If I owned a gas station, I would own two.  The two stations would have different names, and look completely different.  I would place the stations on opposite corners of the same four way intersection.  I would price the gas at one station at least 8 cents per gallon more expensive than the other.  This accomplishes a couple of things.

1. Drivers would stop at the cheaper station and not drive on to another intersection or freeway exit.  By comparing the two available stations, they can feel they have adequately comparison shopped and found the cheaper station.  They can feel peace as they buy gas from the cheaper station.
2. The business losses on the more expensive gas station could be claimed on my tax return, thus offsetting the increased taxes for the increased profit on the other station.

........ Yep, I have too much time to think when there's no traffic driving home.

Mom Tip: Washing a Car Seat

The only setting for washing a car seat is deep clean sanitize (hottest water possible), heaviest soil, maximum spin.  Yep, two hours in the washer should kill anything.  Include anything you can possibly remove from the seat without breaking it.  And just because she's a cute little girl with no "dirt" or chocolate on her car seat does NOT mean there isn't dried milk/formula lurking underneath.  Glad I'm washing them both.

Soak the buckles in the hot soapy water in the sink for 30 minutes.  Scrub with an abrasive sponge.

Vacuum the base.  Now that its safe to carry over carpet, carry base to bathroom tub.  Use a high pressure shower head setting with hot water to power wash the base.  Now that its okay to touch with both hands, use a table knife to scrape the melted crayons out of the pockets or "cubbies".  Rinse with the shower head.

Then spend another hour remembering how to put the thing back together.

Put child back in car seat next morning, ready for them to spill yogurt, milk, punch, or whatever they decide is most appropriate that day.

This should be done at least every 6 months, if not more often.

Memorial Day: Thank You for Your Service

We drove today, returning from Granny & Grandpa's to our home.  We bought gas, fast food, and ice cream.  We drove without being stopped to have our papers investigated, without passports, government approvals, or visas.  We used a small amount of cash to take our children hours away to see their grandparents without fear or despair.  We travelled at our pace and schedule.  Walking the kids when we stopped, playing Simon Says -- the prize, if Mommy lost, was ice cream for everyone, "mooing" at the cows along the way, and pointing out the American classic cars to our son.

We enjoyed our freedom today.  Our ability to go or stop as we please, to vacation even when money is tight, to enjoy our lives and our children in the sunshine of the day.

So, if you are a veteran or volunteer, whether you served overseas or state-side, thank you.  Thank you for your service.  For granting my little family this beautiful day free of fear and concern.

Working in the Yard

I have these wonderful childhood memories of working in the yard side-by-side with my parents.  Weeding was never fun, but I remember having fun being outside together in the fresh air.

Now that I have a 4 year old, I realized this weekend that "working side-by-side" is really just a euphemism for parents working until they are exhausted while their children play nearby.  ;)

Mom: "Can you pick up that stick I dropped?"
Kid has one of three answers:

1. (silence) .... "Hey, its a rolly-polly bug!"
2. "Yeah sure, Mom." (five minutes later stick is still in the way)
3. "Yeah sure, Mom." "Hey Mom, look its a sword!" (swish, swish, swish)

What gave me the impression that I was actually useful in the yard below the age of 16?  That's when I realized I should let it go.  As long as he wasn't getting hurt, he could "help" nearby all he wanted.

And no child, you can't use the man-sized lopers.  And no, you can't use the small ones either.  No one is losing a finger today.

Preschool Homework

My 4-year-old has to write his name 7 times on lined paper.  7 times.  He's now been sitting here an hour and has written his first name four times and his last name 3 times.  An hour!  He's completely missed the TV show I tried to bribe him with.

He then proceeds to tell me how his pencil doesn't work -- by doodling with his sharp pencil, how he hates school, and how he doesn't want to do homework all day.  (WELL, it wouldn't be ALL day, if you'd finish!!!)

I hope he speeds it up before we send him to college ..... (sigh)

Househusband vs. Housewife

I'd like to celebrate some differences that I have come to love and cherish over the last eight years of marriage.  Differences which I also acknowledge change frequently.

Moving in ... she worries about cleaning out the old dirt left by the previous owners, he worries about changing the locks left by the previous owners.

Cooking dinner ... she worries about whether there are enough fruits & veggies, he worries about whether there is enough meat and if there is bread with the rice dish.

He replaces faucets on a free Saturday.  She displaces cobwebs.

He thinks about mowing "the back 40", she thinks about turning over the garden.

Experimenting in the kitchen ... she cooks vegetarian shepherd's pie, he cooks brussels sprouts.

He makes sure she occasionally receives flowers from him.  She cuts the flowers, fills a vase with water, and puts the flowers on the table.  Then he runs the garbage disposal after she cuts the flowers.  She never will remember, no matter how many times he reminds her.

She makes salad, he runs the garbage disposal.  She cuts apples, he runs the garbage disposal.

She keeps her hair long, he occasionally calls the plumber to clean the shower drain.

He stays home for dinner, she buys Beano for him.

She runs out of hair conditioner, he loses his conditioner to her bathroom.

He replaces the door, and calls the job done.  She worries about the paint and trim.

She cleans out the lint trap, but doesn't replace it.  He envisions dismantling an entire dryer.  She imagines no laundry for a week.  She walks out in the yard, and finds the troublesome socks and dryer sheet.  Marital bliss is restored.

She thinks about a late night blizzard from Dairy Queen, decides he is tired, so she doesn't call -- saving him a few minutes on his drive home.  He's driving home, and thinks about Dairy Queen as well.  Knows his wife would be happy, but he convinces himself out of it.
Eight years -- and we're ALMOST getting the telepathic ice cream request figured out!!!

Working on it.

I did better this week at a few things, and could have done better at others.

+1 +2) I was embarrassed by someone, and then angry at them.  I refrained from writing them a scathing e-mail.  (I initially marked this as a plus one, but I'm giving myself a 2.)
-1) I complained about a situation at work and worried about it without trying to solve it, initially.
+1) After watching a peer take leadership to solve the problem, work it, and move forward, it reminded me to do the same, and I think I did so.  I now consider him a mentor.
+3) I got off my "kiester" and packed up the Christmas decorations (which have been partially down for weeks) and put them up in the garage.  Got down the Valentine'sDay/St.Patrick'sDay/Easter box.  Put away the baby swing, and got down the ExerSaucer.  And swept up the broken glass in the garage.  (Many thanks to my husband for his help.  Its much easier when one adult is on the ladder, and the other is on the ground handing stuff up.)
-1) Could have been a better Mom.  Won't get specific, but I was okay this week, not outstanding.  I know I have it in me to do better.
+1) Put together the ExerSaucer.
+1) Bought some food storage, and put it away. (Tuna fish, chili, and soups.)
+1) Did an art project with my son.
-2) Didn't do a couple things I need to do for Primary (my church responsibilities).

Like I said, I'm working on it.  I have a positive total, but it doesn't matter.  The things I didn't do so well on are just as important to me as what I did better on this week.  BUT, I'm working on it.

Good Eyes

The State of California requires me to put my child in a safety seat when in a motor vehicle until they are 6 years old and 60 pounds.  The State also requires that I put my child in a safety helmet until they are 18, if they are riding a bike.  As an adoptive parent, I am required to have First Aid and CPR training for adults, children, and infants (CPR needs to be renewed every year, First Aid every 3 years).  Also as an adoptive parent, I am also required to have 8 hours of parenting courses each year.

As a parent who occasionally watches the news and has some common sense, I close the gates in the front yard to slow down adults who want to enter and prevent (slow down) my child entering the street.  I sit and feed the baby where I can hear and see my older child.  I've taught my child a few safety tricks.

None of this --- State law, parenting classes, CPR courses, or common sense --- replace parental instinct and a good set of eyes and ears.  And being a genetically-related parent or not, has no connection whatsoever to parental instinct.

In the last couple of weeks, I have looked up from watching the road in front of me into the rear-view mirror, and noticed two arms that are a little more free than they should be.  And told someone under no uncertain terms that they were to put their seatbelt back on.  And kept yelling until he did, because there was nowhere safe to pull over.

And yes, after I put the safety helmet and elbow guards on the child, closed the gates, and sat within hearing/seeing distance as he rode his bike ... I looked up and realized that the helmet-and-pad-wearing-child was scaling the front gate and swinging a leg over.  At which point, he was told that if he ever wanted to see that bike again, he would get down and stay off of the front wall and gate!

Laws only make it easier to prosecute parents for not doing what they should have naturally/instinctively done anyway.  But laws don't replace a good set of eyes and ears ... eyes that catch a glimpse of something not right and ears that know when its too quiet.

Conversations with a 4-year-old

Today the conversation in the car with my 4 year old son, went something like this:
Son: "What do ladybugs eat?'
Mom: "I don't know (pause) ... oh wait, aphids.  (What can I say!  Mom's tired.) Ladybugs eat aphids, that's why we put them in the garden.  We put ladybugs in the garden to eat the aphids, so the aphids don't eat the flowers."
Son: "When ladybugs are yellow, then they turn red and we can touch them, and put them on our finger?"
Mom: "Yep."  (I'm guessing, I don't know about the yellow ladybug part.)
Son: "Then they can climb our arm."
Mom: "Yep."
Son: (something about butterflies)
Mom: "Do you know that some butterflies eat meat?" (avoiding the explanation about what carrion is)
Son: "HUH!" (surprised) "What do the ones that eat meat look like?"
Mom: "I don't know."
(pause)
Mom: "Can Mommy sing her song now on the radio?  Its one of my favorites."
Son: "No.  I want to talk about something you want to talk about."
Mom: (thinking ... okay, how about you getting dressed in the morning without an argument.... but before I can get the words out...)
Son: "Aphids ....(something)".
Mom: "Do you know that worms eat dirt and poop it out?  They are good for our garden."
Son: "Gross...."

Yesterday the conversation in the car with my son, was:

Son: "Why does God give us real food?" "Why does God give us real food and fake food?"

Mom: "Well, our bodies need real food to live."

Son: "And fake food?"

Mom: "So, we have toys to play with."

(pause)

Son: "Mom, does Heavenly Father need the sun?"

Mom: "Uh... well, He likes the sun.  He made it for us, because we need it.  Not sure if he needs it."

Son: "Does Jesus?"

Mom: "He likes it, too.  Still not sure He needs it."

Son: "Well I don't!!! (as he shields his eyes from the morning sun)

Mom: (Ah!  Now I know where this is coming from!)

Son: "I want it to be dark all the time!"

Mom: "But if its dark all the time, we can't go outside and play."

Son: "Yes we can, if Jesus says so."

Mom: "What about if Mom and Dad say, 'No'?"

Son: "We can if Jesus says so."

This is the part/age that I've always looked forward to.  The part where he is thinking and speaking, and I get to hear what he's thinking.  I don't know how long this period will last --- how long before he decides his mother isn't worth the effort to communicate with, but I love it for as long as it lasts.  Random, creative, curious, and innocent.  And sweet.  Conversations with a 4-year-old.

Pragmatic Reasons to Join a Local Church

Ideally, people should choose a religion based on intense research, study, and prayer.  Ideally.  But what motivates my generation is much different than what motivated my ancestors two hundred years ago.  So, let me discuss here some practical and pragmatic benefits of attending a local church in your community.

1. An obvious one, a sense of community.  I commute to work each day.  If I didn't attend church in my community, I would know no one in my area.  I now care and hear more about local politics, school board issues, and things relevant to the town I live and pay property taxes in.
2. An outgrowth of #1 -- no matter how many times my mailbox gets cut down or someone graffitis on my sidewalk, I am reminded each Sunday that there ARE good people in my community.  This, in-turn, convinces me not to move out to an area and a home I cannot afford, saving me thousands of dollars and a mountain of debt.
3. Babysitters!!  If you don't have family nearby, a church provides a whole new list of people to get to know better, who just might be convinced to watch your little ones when you need a break.  Or, other young families who you can swap babysitting with.
4. Service.  Who can't go to church and notice someone who needs an extra hand?  Or hear of someone in need of household essentials -- and you have extra chairs in your garage (clearing your garage).  Or an elderly person who needs some bushes cut (exercise).  If I didn't go to church, it would be much more difficult to find these opportunities to serve -- with a full-time job and Saturdays spent catching up on household stuff.  Even if you don't like extra labor on your "To Do" list, many companies are now expecting volunteer work of their employees as a way to market their companies to who else -- but the local communities!!
5. Let's dig deeper -- your children learn to sit still and listen to an adult before they go to kindergarten.  A good thing, if you actually want them to get an education.
6. YOU are reminded how to sit still without a computer in front of you.  And even if you don't listen to the speaker (not advised), you at least get an hour of "quiet time" to think about anything you need to ponder on --- if you don't have your kids climbing over you.
7. Recommendations to local restaurants, and the "right" teachers and schools.
8. Church socials are great inexpensive family activities.
9. Church potlucks are an easy way to get your kids to try new foods -- well, maybe.
10. Friends who DON'T work with you.
11. Details on the local politics can be gleaned from conversations at the church socials.  Now you can actually have some idea who all those people are on the local ballot that may or may not provide a statement in the ballot.
12. And as that hideous day is fast approaching --- donating to a local church is a great tax write-off!

So, walk in, sit down, and get to know people for the most pragmatic and practical reasons.  Maybe, in a few months, you'll find other, less practical reasons to stay.

Letting Yourself Go

You know you've "let yourself go" when:

• You paint your fingernails and your 4-year-old shouts, "MOM! WHAT did you do to your fingers?!!!!!????"
• Your bank rejects an online purchase for hosiery as obvious fraud
• Your co-worker compliments you on how your hair looks, asks you what's different, and you say, "No conditioner today."

I reject the term "she let herself go".  How sexist!  How degrading!  I prefer the term "a different stage of life".  I mean, if I've showered, have clean clothes -- ironed if possible, and can manage to get out the door without spit-up on my shirt -- I've already been a success that day.  (Notice there's no reference to what I look or smell like at the end of the day.)