For My Friends Who Are Losing Their Hearing

Just picked this up from Kaiser ---

Nine Rules To Follow For Family & Friends of Hearing Impaired

1. Try not to speak from another room.
2. Try not to speak with your back to the person with the hearing deficit.
3. Try to speak more slowly.
4. Try to speak distinctly.
5. Try not to speak in competition with other sounds (TV, radio, running water, etc.)
6. Try to get the attention of the person with the hearing deficit before speaking. (Do not start speaking while the person is concentrating on something else.)
7. Try to speak face-to-face.
8. Try to remove obstructions while speaking (hand in front of face, cigarette in mouth, food in mouth, etc.)
9. Remember to be patient ....

Notice that none of these are to yell, shout, and treat them like idiots.  Basically, remember your manners and act like what you have to say is important enough for them to hear.  So, take the time to effectively communicate that information.

On the phone, when people can't hear me, I'm now in the habit of saying, "I'm sorry, my fault, sometimes I speak too fast."

On a funny note, the audiologist told me that my worst hearing is in the same decibel range where most men speak.  (So, maybe I truly have selective hearing.)

Sometimes They Listen

Granny and I finished my daughter's life book earlier this week.  Her life book describes how she was adopted and became a part of our eternal family.  Her book describes Dad and I getting married in the temple, adopting her brother, and having more love for another child.  Then, how she came to us and was sealed in the temple and received a baby blessing.  Granny had a chance to read it to her a couple of times before leaving town, and we've read it to her at least once.

So today, she hasn't been listening, and has been in a little bit of trouble today.  Our family had a fun day, but we were very ready for it to be bedtime tonight.  She gave me a kiss and hug, then started to walk away.
As she did, she put her hand on the bed post and very slowly said, "I was born, so I could go to the temple with you."
"What was that?"
She looks at me with a smile and with more confidence says, "I was born, so I could go to the temple with you.  And you are a princess."
"Come here ...   come here."  As I held her on my lap, "I am very glad you were born."
"Yeah." (with a smile)
"And I think you're pretty wonderful."
"Yeah." (more smiles)
And before she escapes, "And even when I'm angry because you're disobedient, I will ALWAYS love you."
"Can I go now?"
"Yep, go to bed."

They Say the Darndest Things!

So today was jam packed!

1. U6 Soccer Game
2. Family Day at my office -- open house for employees to show their families around
3. Fontana Library -- We have a 1st grade paper, presentation, and poster on the Opossum due November 9th.  What a beautiful library!!!
4. Target -- original intent was birthday present shopping & bike helmets, but also picked up Thanksgiving decor, Halloween on clearance, and some Christmas shirts
5. Shakey's for a little friend's birthday party

Remember, she's now 2.5 years old and he's 6 years old.

In the course of the day,

@1.  She called out, "Mommy, move your bum!!"  (She was sitting in my chair, while I jumped and paced at the edge of the soccer field.)

@1.  I told him he might have to get muddy playing goalie, but don't worry, I brought a change of clothes.  He said, "I'm not watching the mud, I'm watching the ball!!"  GOOD KID.

@2.  She spotted the filtered water faucet, like ours at home.  She exclaimed, "THAT'S FOR BABY FEEDERS!!"

@2.  "Kids, see Mommy's magnet collection?"  Mistake.  Commented to a co-worker, "Notice how I have all of those in just the right spot."  Response, "Yep, and Monday we'll see you putting them all back." .....
          "Hey kids, this is my space!"  .........
                        "Okay, time to go."   ..........    
                                      He says, "But we have to clean up."  Me, "Don't worry I'll do it later."

@2.  He pointed at a picture I took of the ocean, now hanging in my office, "Is that the ocean I almost drowned in?"  "No, you almost drowned in the our bathtub, not in the ocean."

@3.  As the elevator moved, she sighed, "I did it!"  (She's had this issue with elevators.)

@3.  Yesterday, after school we headed to the "LI-BERRY".  He's asleep, she's chattering.  "Is that the li-berry?  Is this the li-berry?  Is that the li-berry?"  "Sweetie, we have a long drive I will show you the library."  Well, the library was closed when we got there.  YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT SOMEONE HAD STOLEN HER DOLLY!!!  She REALLY took those locked doors personally.  Glad we made it there today.

@3.  Mom and Dad read childrens' stories to each other while our children played a computer game (its okay, they don't get any at home).  And for the first time, I actually considered buying an iPad for them.

@3.  They have children's restrooms with small kid-size toilets -- THANK YOU (But adult-sized sinks, I still had to sit my 2 yr old on the sink to wash her hands).  My 6 yr old thought the toilets were too small.  He exclaim with disgust, "Why do librarians have to have such small toilets?????"

@3.  "Oooo, that's a scary book."  He was pointing at a book in the children's section titled, Zombies in America.  Great!  Remind me to bring the blindfolds to the library next time.

@4.  Bike helmets.  Well, let's just say that we have now PROVEN that both our children have large heads.

@4.  Which bike helmet does she want?  The kitty.  No, Dora the Explorer.  No, the boys one.  No, the princesses.  NOT the Minnie Mouse one.  I WANT DORA!

@4.  In the gift bag aisle, he says, "Where does this go?  Shouldn't we put it back?"  Mom, "I didn't get it down.  I do not want to clean up the whole store!"  "Okay, but I'm going to put it here, because I WANT to clean up the whole store."  (Unfortunately, this is a result of nurture, not nature.  I have no one to blame but myself.)

@5.  An older, baby-sitting friend offered to take her to play the arcade games.  I said she had to wait.  Man!  I got the lowered eyebrow, "MOTHER!" look.  Fine, go!  Mercy!  I give!  You DID eat more vegetables than your brother.

@5.  She pointed at the drain in the bathroom floor, "There's fishies down there!"

@Home Again. She sees the toy spoon on the floor, and like any good little church lady says, "Oh!  I still have to make that dinner."

Trust in the Lord

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding." -- ??
For some reason, I can remember the words clearly for a week but cannot find the exact scriptural reference tonight.

Here it is, Proverbs 3:5:

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
9 Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase:
10 So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.
11 My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction:
12 For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
13 Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.

I encourage you to read the full chapter at lds.org: Proverbs 3

Trust in the Lord -- the other day I was thinking of some current struggles and sobbing about this statement.  Its just not that easy.  Four little words make it sound like, "Hey, no sweat, how hard could it be."  And yet, I find myself again and again struggling to trust in the Lord, and not on my own understanding.  And every time it works out I apologize to my Father in Heaven, and like my 2 and 1/2 year old, I say, "I will NEVER EVER do that again." I will NEVER EVER doubt again.  I will NEVER EVER struggle to leap.  I will NEVER EVER lack that faith.  And yet, here I go again.

I also know something else that I tend to forget.  The Lord loves me.  Another four words that don't really accurately portray all that my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, are willing to do for me.  Another four words which my pea-brained mind is only beginning to understand.

So, just how does this apply today?

I know that I am special.  Not special, "I'm better than you" special.  But special -- as in unique, special.  As in God threw away the mold when He was done baking me.  As in, there was no mold because He carved me by hand -- is STILL carving me by hand.  And I believe that each of us is a very unique carving by the hand of God.

I married a man who has been divorced twice.  You should have seen the looks I got -- like I was yet another woman to break his heart, or there must be something wrong with me because he doesn't have good taste.  Let me tell you, it takes a special kind of woman to be a 2nd or 3rd wife.  (And I imagine the same goes for a 2nd or 3rd husband.)  You have to be the type of person who is really good at finding the (sometimes broken) diamond in the rough, willing to take on a long-term project, and be very self-confident in who you are.  It was very humorous to me when everyone in my husband's life assumed who I was or would be.  It didn't take much for me to knock their socks off -- but I'm used to that.  People just don't see the tornado that's about to hit them when they meet me.  ;)

So, how do I make sense of this?  Did I just "get lucky" that he was divorced?  No.  Not by a long shot.  I know that my husband and I knew each other before we were born, and that we were meant to be married.  I know that because of who my husband is, he made choices, and I made choices, and in the end, it all worked out.  And I know that God knew that.  I know that his divorces helped him appreciate me more, and my dating experiences help me appreciate him more.  And I have a feeling, that if it didn't work out, God had a really good back-up plan in mind for me.  ;)  (tongue in cheek)  But even though we both have a testimony of our marriage, it is good for me to occasionally remind him that "he wasn't my only option".

Furthermore, I know that I will be married to my husband for all of eternity.  And my children will be mine for all of eternity.  I know that in the next life, everyone receives that which they care most about.  My husband wants a mansion in Heaven.  I just want a cottage in a clearing in the woods with a large garden that never gets weeds -- where it is very quiet when I need it to be quiet, and where the animals are loud and noisy when I need the distraction.  And where there is a path to the city, if I ever want to leave and enjoy the theatre.  And at night, it is so clear that I can see millions and millions of stars.  And any service God needs me to do will be done via computer, unless its for children -- then I will show up in person, "with bells on".  (Sorry, I digressed for a minute there.)

But this is where I trust in the Lord, and lean not unto my own understanding.  For He knows who I am, and what will make me happy.  He knows the depth of my heart, and breadth of my personality and how little room I have for inadequate previous wives.  And again, tongue-in-cheek, if my husband doesn't meet me in my wooded clearing I'm sure there's a REALLY good back-up plan waiting.

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

I'm a mother of two beautiful, smart, wonderful, caring children.  And we adopted them.  But I want the world to know that I did not "settle" for them.  My children are not some kind of door prize given to those sad souls who can't conceive children on their own.  My children are the once-in-a-lifetime, Publisher's Clearing House, win the BIG lotto type of prize.  They are the Golden Ticket -- and I got two of them.

I have read articles, comments on articles, and talked to people (even former family) who have the attitude that since adoptive parents can't conceive on their own, they should accept whatever child is offered to them.  They cite the thousands of older children above the age of 5 yrs old who are still in foster care because they are considered "un-adoptable".  They cite the thousands of special needs kids in America who need loving homes.  Basically, I have often heard one of two things: 1) "beggars can't be choosers" or 2) you need to be more lovingly, like Mother Theresa.

I have spent some time with older foster kids, and they are wonderful.  I love them dearly.  I am privileged to know them.  Every day, they and they're families fight to overcome the craziness of their early childhood years.  To stabilize, to love, and to nurture.

But let me clarify a few things.  Some of these kids are still in foster status because our system is trying very hard to give their bio-parents every opportunity to re-unite their families.  Many of the children aren't available for adoption, because bio-parents keep taking two steps forward and one step back.  Kids go home to live with bio-parents for 6 months, things fall apart again, and the kids are back in the system.  Basically, they are unavailable for adoption, not "un-adoptable".

Additionally, social workers are trying very hard to put kids in homes where the placement will work "for good".  They try very hard to match personalities, race, culture, etc.  They try very hard to blend this new family just right and still fit within all the state-mandated requirements on number of children in the home, boys in one room and girls in another, and age separation between child and parents.  I don't always agree with the decisions, but I'm glad I'm not a social worker.

My goal in adopting children wasn't to relieve societal or family pressure on myself.  It wasn't to feel fulfilled as a woman.  It was simply to be a "mom".  My dream was to watch that toddler start to express themselves and get to know everything that was happening in that little brain.  My dream was to hold a tiny baby and watch that tiny baby take everything I had or had not provided or taught and turn into a wonderful adult.

I read all those questionnaires from the agencies, and did countless hours of soul-searching with my spouse on what we wanted in our future family, and we answered those very seriously.  No one teaches you how to "be flexible" without twisting your spouse's arm.  Those probably had to be some of the most difficult conversations of our marriage.  Knowing that every "No" meant less opportunity to adopt, but still trying to respect the other's opinions and feelings.  And no, in the end, we did not ask for perfection.

As adults, we realize that sometimes we have to "settle".  We trade old dreams for new ones.  We sacrifice something we once thought we wanted, for something we want more now.  Sometimes, we have remorse.  We call it "settling".  Other times, we realize that we have grown and our dreams have changed, and we are at peace with those decisions.

My dream was to have brand new, completely healthy babies ... and know that someday, when they hate me or when I'm totally aggravated by their decisions --- that all of it, EVERY SINGLE NURTURING INFLUENCE OR LACK THEREOF, was completely my fault.  That's crazy, yes, but I wasn't settling on this.  

And I am NOT Mother Theresa.  My children are not "lucky to have me".  Heck, they will be lucky to survive me.  I'm not a "tiger mom", but pretty close  -- I constantly fight my hovering instinct.  I am lucky to know my children.  They are beautiful people.  They have saved my life in ways no one will ever understand.  They help me laugh when I forget to, they motivate me to be a better person, and they remind me that there is more to life than just work.

First Grade Orientation

I attended school orientation for my first grader tonight.  One of the other moms looked at me and said, "Why?  Our kids have been attending here for ages, what do I need to get "orientated" about?"  I said, "Well, they could have changed things since last year."  She said, "Thanks, you're not helping."  She stayed and was glad she did, because things are changing just a bit.

I like the beginning of the school year --- NO, I LOVE THE BEGINNING OF SCHOOL.  I always have, and now that I work full-time I get to live vicariously through my children.  Ah!  The joy of new erasers and fresh markers.  Fresh school clothes.  A new class.  A new teacher, sometimes.  A fresh start.

I had a mixture of emotion tonight.  Gratitude that my son has the same teacher again -- a teacher who obviously loves children.  Total exhaustion at the thought of another nine months of homework battles.  Pride when the teacher mentioned in front of the other parents that my son was the best reader in the class last year.  Relief when the other 1st grader parents mentioned that yes, their children had also completely resisted workbooks and reading this summer. --- And Comraderie when I left the room with the other first grade parents discussing the changes for the new year.

Ah!  What fun it is to be a parent.

So I Bought A Chevy Volt

(This blog will be written in installments, as time permits.  All new additions, have dates in blue.)

What was my motivation?
I drive 84 miles round trip per day, 5 days per week.  I was at the gas station twice per week.  We had driven a Chevy Volt at a car show and liked it.  So, I continued to eye the Volts.  We had also driven a Leaf.  It scared me to drive a solely electric car with two kids -- and be stuck someplace without a charge.  I was already dealing with occasional break-downs in my current "beater" car.  The Volt's electric battery with "back-up" gas engine was a great solution.  But a single charge could only get me to work, I would still need to drive gas on the way home at night.

Then, my company installed electric vehicle charging stations at no cost to the employees.  I could charge at home, drive to work, charge at work during the day, and drive home.

Then, my current vehicle died.  http://workingonwonderwoman.blogspot.com/2012/07/ode-to-my-honda-crv.html

We looked at used cars.  I really did try to buy a used car.  Even with a used car, we would be adding a car payment and increased insurance (possibly) to the monthly budget --- and still on the same gasoline bill.  We went to a popular used car dealership, the one car under $20K my husband outright refused to buy.  We checked into a used Honda from a local dealership, and the Honda salesman turned me off almost immediately.

So, we drove down the street to the Chevy dealership.

How the Volt Works (in non-engineer terms)
To Be Written

My Driving Habits

Freeway Driving:
I had three speeds on the freeway.

1. My goal speed.  If I drove too long below this speed, I got very angry.
2. My, "Oh crap, I wasn't looking" speed.  At which point, my foot came off the gas.
3. And my, "#%$#&%$, I REALLY wasn't looking" speed.  At which point, I tapped the brakes.

While the Volt is completely capable of handling all three speeds, my goal speed has now dropped by 6 to 8 mph and I haven't reached #3.  I am simply trying to be more efficient in my battery usage, I'm trying to make it home or to work solely on electricity.  And stifling my lead foot helps.  Anyone could do this, you don't have to buy a electric vehicle to attempt to be more efficient in your gasoline usage.  (Yes, I knew this before as well, I just wasn't as motivated to listen.)
For example, one day I got tired of driving behind someone who had no one in front of them and was going less than the speed limit.  I hit the gas, and passed around the vehicle.  The Volt followed my lead and did a great job -- however, I was on my last tiny bit of electric charge when I got to work (which is why the gas tank back-up is WONDERFUL).

City Street Driving:

Low Profile:

Extra Weight:


By the Numbers -- Gasoline
I put gas in the car before I drove it home the first night, 06/30/12.  As of 07/30/12, I have not put gas in since I bought it, I have driven 2,027 miles, and my car tells me I still have 70 miles to go on the gas tank -- if I didn't have any battery power remaining.  January through June of 2012, I've averaged $300/month in gasoline expenses on my Honda (minimum $203, maximum $418).  My husband's Dodge van averaged $465/month (minimum $375, maximum $543).  We've been using the Volt for family errands on Saturdays, instead of the van.

Our gasoline costs for the month of July were $274.  Assuming our driving habits were similar in July to the first 6 months of the year, that's a $491 savings.  Even if we both had spent our minimum gasoline bill in the same month (which we didn't), its still a savings of $304.

08/09/12:  I ran on gas for a little while this evening.  The first 3.5 miles were solely highway, measured ~50 mpg.  Slowed down for the off-ramp and the stoplight/ stop sign laden city streets for another 4 miles, measured ~30.7 mpg.  One adult and two kids with car seats weighing down the car.

By the Numbers -- Electricity
We are currently running our home electricity and electric charging for the Volt on the same meter.  Southern California Edison offers an additional price break if we pay an electrician to install a separate meter just for the car.  We're looking into that.

Our electricity billing is based on a tiered system, with the price going up for each kWh as your usage increases past each tier's threshold.

July, 2010 Usage: 70.56 kWh.  The average max temp in the area for the month was 91 deg F, and average mean 77 deg F.  The peak was 105 deg F.

July, 2011 Usage: 68.00 kWh.
          The average max temp was 92 deg F, and average mean 78 deg F.  The peak was 100 deg F.

July, 2012 Usage: 67.91 kWh with the Volt charging ~24 days.
          The average max temp was 93 deg F, and average mean 78 deg F.  The peak was 102 deg F.

So, obviously, something in our habits changed to offset the Volt charging.  I don't know what it was (-- we are still very good friends with our central A/C), but either way, our habits and the weather have about as much affect on our electric bill as charging a car.

A true comparison might be easier during the winter months when our electrical usage is fairly consistent over many months.  We're currently in our 3-month peak season.

How It Drives
To Be Written

Interior & Cargo Space
08/10/12:  Very comfortable, enjoyable ride.  Easy to wipe down, clean-up any spills.  All controls easily within reach.  Enough room for back packs, bags, etc. on the floor of the front passenger seat or in the trunk.  I only have some small "Commuter Mom" comments:

1) I can't reach the floor of the back seat.  In the Honda CRV, I could pretty much play "gumby" Mom while driving and reach any sippy cup, granola bar, or toy dropped on the floor without any effort.  Now, I can't reach anything.  But maybe the kids will just learn to keep track of their stuff.  ;)

2) There isn't a really good spot for a trash bag.  The floor of the front passenger seat puts the bag too far away.  Putting a bag on the passenger seat always has the risk of spilling all over the car when hitting the brakes or leaking onto the seat.  There's two cup holders and an open cubby behind the gear shift, so between the three spots, one ends up getting used as a small trash.

3) The console between the front seats runs across the floor of the back seats, in between the back seats to the trunk.  So, basically, the kids have to climb over this (putting their dusty feet all over) to get out of the opposite side of the car -- which is necessary on occasion when some idiot parks too close to one of your doors.

4) Space is great for myself and the two kids with our daily stuff.  There's a period in every child's life when their legs lay straight out from their seat, and aren't long enough to hang down.  So, when my husband joins us in the car on the weekend, there's a little compromise on leg space between him and the little one in the back seat.

But like I said, these are minor.  Maybe this will help some future or current car designer think of what us "Commuter Moms" need.