I attended school orientation for my first grader tonight. One of the other moms looked at me and said, "Why? Our kids have been attending here for ages, what do I need to get "orientated" about?" I said, "Well, they could have changed things since last year." She said, "Thanks, you're not helping." She stayed and was glad she did, because things are changing just a bit.
I like the beginning of the school year --- NO, I LOVE THE BEGINNING OF SCHOOL. I always have, and now that I work full-time I get to live vicariously through my children. Ah! The joy of new erasers and fresh markers. Fresh school clothes. A new class. A new teacher, sometimes. A fresh start.
I had a mixture of emotion tonight. Gratitude that my son has the same teacher again -- a teacher who obviously loves children. Total exhaustion at the thought of another nine months of homework battles. Pride when the teacher mentioned in front of the other parents that my son was the best reader in the class last year. Relief when the other 1st grader parents mentioned that yes, their children had also completely resisted workbooks and reading this summer. --- And Comraderie when I left the room with the other first grade parents discussing the changes for the new year.
Ah! What fun it is to be a parent.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
So I Bought A Chevy Volt
(This blog will be written in installments, as time permits. All new additions, have dates in blue.)
What was my motivation?
I drive 84 miles round trip per day, 5 days per week. I was at the gas station twice per week. We had driven a Chevy Volt at a car show and liked it. So, I continued to eye the Volts. We had also driven a Leaf. It scared me to drive a solely electric car with two kids -- and be stuck someplace without a charge. I was already dealing with occasional break-downs in my current "beater" car. The Volt's electric battery with "back-up" gas engine was a great solution. But a single charge could only get me to work, I would still need to drive gas on the way home at night.
Then, my company installed electric vehicle charging stations at no cost to the employees. I could charge at home, drive to work, charge at work during the day, and drive home.
Then, my current vehicle died. http://workingonwonderwoman.blogspot.com/2012/07/ode-to-my-honda-crv.html
We looked at used cars. I really did try to buy a used car. Even with a used car, we would be adding a car payment and increased insurance (possibly) to the monthly budget --- and still on the same gasoline bill. We went to a popular used car dealership, the one car under $20K my husband outright refused to buy. We checked into a used Honda from a local dealership, and the Honda salesman turned me off almost immediately.
So, we drove down the street to the Chevy dealership.
How the Volt Works (in non-engineer terms)
To Be Written
My Driving Habits
Freeway Driving:
I had three speeds on the freeway.
For example, one day I got tired of driving behind someone who had no one in front of them and was going less than the speed limit. I hit the gas, and passed around the vehicle. The Volt followed my lead and did a great job -- however, I was on my last tiny bit of electric charge when I got to work (which is why the gas tank back-up is WONDERFUL).
City Street Driving:
Low Profile:
Extra Weight:
By the Numbers -- Gasoline
I put gas in the car before I drove it home the first night, 06/30/12. As of 07/30/12, I have not put gas in since I bought it, I have driven 2,027 miles, and my car tells me I still have 70 miles to go on the gas tank -- if I didn't have any battery power remaining. January through June of 2012, I've averaged $300/month in gasoline expenses on my Honda (minimum $203, maximum $418). My husband's Dodge van averaged $465/month (minimum $375, maximum $543). We've been using the Volt for family errands on Saturdays, instead of the van.
Our gasoline costs for the month of July were $274. Assuming our driving habits were similar in July to the first 6 months of the year, that's a $491 savings. Even if we both had spent our minimum gasoline bill in the same month (which we didn't), its still a savings of $304.
08/09/12: I ran on gas for a little while this evening. The first 3.5 miles were solely highway, measured ~50 mpg. Slowed down for the off-ramp and the stoplight/ stop sign laden city streets for another 4 miles, measured ~30.7 mpg. One adult and two kids with car seats weighing down the car.
By the Numbers -- Electricity
We are currently running our home electricity and electric charging for the Volt on the same meter. Southern California Edison offers an additional price break if we pay an electrician to install a separate meter just for the car. We're looking into that.
Our electricity billing is based on a tiered system, with the price going up for each kWh as your usage increases past each tier's threshold.
July, 2010 Usage: 70.56 kWh. The average max temp in the area for the month was 91 deg F, and average mean 77 deg F. The peak was 105 deg F.
July, 2011 Usage: 68.00 kWh.
The average max temp was 92 deg F, and average mean 78 deg F. The peak was 100 deg F.
July, 2012 Usage: 67.91 kWh with the Volt charging ~24 days.
The average max temp was 93 deg F, and average mean 78 deg F. The peak was 102 deg F.
So, obviously, something in our habits changed to offset the Volt charging. I don't know what it was (-- we are still very good friends with our central A/C), but either way, our habits and the weather have about as much affect on our electric bill as charging a car.
A true comparison might be easier during the winter months when our electrical usage is fairly consistent over many months. We're currently in our 3-month peak season.
How It Drives
To Be Written
Interior & Cargo Space
08/10/12: Very comfortable, enjoyable ride. Easy to wipe down, clean-up any spills. All controls easily within reach. Enough room for back packs, bags, etc. on the floor of the front passenger seat or in the trunk. I only have some small "Commuter Mom" comments:
1) I can't reach the floor of the back seat. In the Honda CRV, I could pretty much play "gumby" Mom while driving and reach any sippy cup, granola bar, or toy dropped on the floor without any effort. Now, I can't reach anything. But maybe the kids will just learn to keep track of their stuff. ;)
2) There isn't a really good spot for a trash bag. The floor of the front passenger seat puts the bag too far away. Putting a bag on the passenger seat always has the risk of spilling all over the car when hitting the brakes or leaking onto the seat. There's two cup holders and an open cubby behind the gear shift, so between the three spots, one ends up getting used as a small trash.
3) The console between the front seats runs across the floor of the back seats, in between the back seats to the trunk. So, basically, the kids have to climb over this (putting their dusty feet all over) to get out of the opposite side of the car -- which is necessary on occasion when some idiot parks too close to one of your doors.
4) Space is great for myself and the two kids with our daily stuff. There's a period in every child's life when their legs lay straight out from their seat, and aren't long enough to hang down. So, when my husband joins us in the car on the weekend, there's a little compromise on leg space between him and the little one in the back seat.
But like I said, these are minor. Maybe this will help some future or current car designer think of what us "Commuter Moms" need.
What was my motivation?
I drive 84 miles round trip per day, 5 days per week. I was at the gas station twice per week. We had driven a Chevy Volt at a car show and liked it. So, I continued to eye the Volts. We had also driven a Leaf. It scared me to drive a solely electric car with two kids -- and be stuck someplace without a charge. I was already dealing with occasional break-downs in my current "beater" car. The Volt's electric battery with "back-up" gas engine was a great solution. But a single charge could only get me to work, I would still need to drive gas on the way home at night.
Then, my company installed electric vehicle charging stations at no cost to the employees. I could charge at home, drive to work, charge at work during the day, and drive home.
Then, my current vehicle died. http://workingonwonderwoman.blogspot.com/2012/07/ode-to-my-honda-crv.html
We looked at used cars. I really did try to buy a used car. Even with a used car, we would be adding a car payment and increased insurance (possibly) to the monthly budget --- and still on the same gasoline bill. We went to a popular used car dealership, the one car under $20K my husband outright refused to buy. We checked into a used Honda from a local dealership, and the Honda salesman turned me off almost immediately.
So, we drove down the street to the Chevy dealership.
How the Volt Works (in non-engineer terms)
To Be Written
My Driving Habits
Freeway Driving:
I had three speeds on the freeway.
- My goal speed. If I drove too long below this speed, I got very angry.
- My, "Oh crap, I wasn't looking" speed. At which point, my foot came off the gas.
- And my, "#%$#&%$, I REALLY wasn't looking" speed. At which point, I tapped the brakes.
For example, one day I got tired of driving behind someone who had no one in front of them and was going less than the speed limit. I hit the gas, and passed around the vehicle. The Volt followed my lead and did a great job -- however, I was on my last tiny bit of electric charge when I got to work (which is why the gas tank back-up is WONDERFUL).
City Street Driving:
Low Profile:
Extra Weight:
By the Numbers -- Gasoline
I put gas in the car before I drove it home the first night, 06/30/12. As of 07/30/12, I have not put gas in since I bought it, I have driven 2,027 miles, and my car tells me I still have 70 miles to go on the gas tank -- if I didn't have any battery power remaining. January through June of 2012, I've averaged $300/month in gasoline expenses on my Honda (minimum $203, maximum $418). My husband's Dodge van averaged $465/month (minimum $375, maximum $543). We've been using the Volt for family errands on Saturdays, instead of the van.
Our gasoline costs for the month of July were $274. Assuming our driving habits were similar in July to the first 6 months of the year, that's a $491 savings. Even if we both had spent our minimum gasoline bill in the same month (which we didn't), its still a savings of $304.
08/09/12: I ran on gas for a little while this evening. The first 3.5 miles were solely highway, measured ~50 mpg. Slowed down for the off-ramp and the stoplight/ stop sign laden city streets for another 4 miles, measured ~30.7 mpg. One adult and two kids with car seats weighing down the car.
By the Numbers -- Electricity
We are currently running our home electricity and electric charging for the Volt on the same meter. Southern California Edison offers an additional price break if we pay an electrician to install a separate meter just for the car. We're looking into that.
Our electricity billing is based on a tiered system, with the price going up for each kWh as your usage increases past each tier's threshold.
July, 2010 Usage: 70.56 kWh. The average max temp in the area for the month was 91 deg F, and average mean 77 deg F. The peak was 105 deg F.
July, 2011 Usage: 68.00 kWh.
The average max temp was 92 deg F, and average mean 78 deg F. The peak was 100 deg F.
July, 2012 Usage: 67.91 kWh with the Volt charging ~24 days.
The average max temp was 93 deg F, and average mean 78 deg F. The peak was 102 deg F.
So, obviously, something in our habits changed to offset the Volt charging. I don't know what it was (-- we are still very good friends with our central A/C), but either way, our habits and the weather have about as much affect on our electric bill as charging a car.
A true comparison might be easier during the winter months when our electrical usage is fairly consistent over many months. We're currently in our 3-month peak season.
How It Drives
To Be Written
Interior & Cargo Space
08/10/12: Very comfortable, enjoyable ride. Easy to wipe down, clean-up any spills. All controls easily within reach. Enough room for back packs, bags, etc. on the floor of the front passenger seat or in the trunk. I only have some small "Commuter Mom" comments:
1) I can't reach the floor of the back seat. In the Honda CRV, I could pretty much play "gumby" Mom while driving and reach any sippy cup, granola bar, or toy dropped on the floor without any effort. Now, I can't reach anything. But maybe the kids will just learn to keep track of their stuff. ;)
2) There isn't a really good spot for a trash bag. The floor of the front passenger seat puts the bag too far away. Putting a bag on the passenger seat always has the risk of spilling all over the car when hitting the brakes or leaking onto the seat. There's two cup holders and an open cubby behind the gear shift, so between the three spots, one ends up getting used as a small trash.
3) The console between the front seats runs across the floor of the back seats, in between the back seats to the trunk. So, basically, the kids have to climb over this (putting their dusty feet all over) to get out of the opposite side of the car -- which is necessary on occasion when some idiot parks too close to one of your doors.
4) Space is great for myself and the two kids with our daily stuff. There's a period in every child's life when their legs lay straight out from their seat, and aren't long enough to hang down. So, when my husband joins us in the car on the weekend, there's a little compromise on leg space between him and the little one in the back seat.
But like I said, these are minor. Maybe this will help some future or current car designer think of what us "Commuter Moms" need.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Proud to Be A Mormon
There was a recent Facebook post of a picture of the LDS temple in San Diego, California. It said, "Share if you are proud to be a Mormon." I did, because I am.
I am a Latter-Day Saint. I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that I am a daughter of God. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. And I am proud to be nick-named "a Mormon".
Now, why am I proud to be a Mormon?
I am proud to be a Mormon, because there was a time when I wasn't -- well, at least not a very good one. There was a time in my life when I wasn't living the way I should. When I wasn't living up to the knowledge and testimony that I had previously acquired by study and faith.
Through a lot of hard work, I repented, and I changed. I fought hard. I fought harder trying to forgive myself, but eventually that happened. And that's why I'm proud. I'm proud because through exercising the gospel of repentance, through two great bishops, and a lot of love from family and friends --- I became a better person. I am grateful for both bishops, one bishop who laid down the law, and the other who convinced me it was okay to forgive myself. I am proud to be a Mormon, someone who sets high standards for themselves and fights to live up to those standards. Someone who doesn't give up, but strives every day to do a little better.
And isn't that what a religion should do?
I am a Latter-Day Saint. I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that I am a daughter of God. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. And I am proud to be nick-named "a Mormon".
Now, why am I proud to be a Mormon?
I am proud to be a Mormon, because there was a time when I wasn't -- well, at least not a very good one. There was a time in my life when I wasn't living the way I should. When I wasn't living up to the knowledge and testimony that I had previously acquired by study and faith.
Through a lot of hard work, I repented, and I changed. I fought hard. I fought harder trying to forgive myself, but eventually that happened. And that's why I'm proud. I'm proud because through exercising the gospel of repentance, through two great bishops, and a lot of love from family and friends --- I became a better person. I am grateful for both bishops, one bishop who laid down the law, and the other who convinced me it was okay to forgive myself. I am proud to be a Mormon, someone who sets high standards for themselves and fights to live up to those standards. Someone who doesn't give up, but strives every day to do a little better.
And isn't that what a religion should do?
Friday, July 6, 2012
Ode to My Honda CRV
He started life on the freeways of southern California in 1999, and entered the "car witness protection program" two years later. He reappeared in Sacramento with 68,836 miles, and a new zest for life. He hung out at "witness protection headquarters" eagerly waiting for his relocation assignment.
Then, two short blonde chicks walked in one night, and thought they could make a deal on a car. Late that night, they finally claimed this dark green Honda CRV and drove him off the lot for good. The smarter, prettier, and wiser blonde girl made herself at home in the front seat, and proceeded to name this Honda, "Skeeter". What was in store for Skeeter?
To his dismay, she loaded him high with her stuff, drove west and picked up more stuff, then drove south -- and kept driving. She took her time, seems she was overdue for a vacation. Eventually, they made it to their destination -- very near Skeeter's original home.
She drove like a mad-woman. Seems she was also over-due for some fun! Skeeter kept up with her freeway antics, long drives to meet her "friend", and forgetfulness for oil changes and regular maintenance. They had fun. And she made sure he had regular trips to the carwash. He liked being clean.
Fairly quickly, this "friend" became her husband, and they both drove him around -- and drove each other crazy. The hubby ensured Skeeter got regular maintenance -- and took Skeeter off-roading when the blonde wasn't around. That was fun! Skeeter out-did those big fancy trucks. Skeeter and the hubby even pulled a tree stump out of the back yard one day --- to the objections of the blonde.
There were outings to the mountains, up the coast of California & down the coast & up again, up the central valley of California & down again & up again, adventures to Utah and Idaho and Nevada, camping twice -- once even they slept in the car while camping. Chili cheese fries, soda, and burritos spilled on Skeeter's floor mats and always cleaned up. Because she loved him, she wasted some money on new rubber window gaskets, and eventually a reclaimed spare tire cover.
Then these little ones arrived -- always dropping sippy cups and milk bottles on the floor. What a mess! Maintenance got very regular, but carwashes declined. Skeeter hated the trailmix and fruit snacks that were constant companions in the back seat, but loved the company. Eventually Skeeter started to feel his age. He was hospitalized for awhile for engine work, and he felt good for awhile. Then, Skeeter's transmission needed a face lift. That didn't go so well, that took some revisits to the doctor's office.
Then, both Skeeter and the blonde could see the writing on the wall. They knew that time was short. Skeeter was left at home when the family left on vacation. He was very sad, but knew he couldn't make it anymore. One day, his starter was having trouble. She gave him a little gas, and he managed to get going, and that was good for a couple of weeks. She was afraid to take him to the doctor this time. He had many miles on him, but was giving her everything he could give.
Late in June almost 10 years from the time they met, Skeeter couldn't make it over the freeway hill and he over-heated. She turned him around and limped him to the mechanic. The news was bad. He needed a new engine gasket, his second. And his crank pulley was wobbly. If they could fix the gasket, it was just a band-aid and a new engine would be needed soon. They both knew he was unsafe to drive the kids around in.
She felt bad, almost disloyal, but she couldn't afford to fix him. She cried. Skeeter cried, but they said their good-byes. She sold him to somebody who could afford to fix him with his own skills. And she hoped, for his sake, that it gave him another chance. He still had his original engine and transmission, and had served her faithfully and reliably until he had 341,026 miles. And she'll never forget him.
Her life had changed over the last 10 years, and Skeeter had been with her for every mile -- whether difficult or fun or disappointing. He had been there, and she'll never forget him.
Then, two short blonde chicks walked in one night, and thought they could make a deal on a car. Late that night, they finally claimed this dark green Honda CRV and drove him off the lot for good. The smarter, prettier, and wiser blonde girl made herself at home in the front seat, and proceeded to name this Honda, "Skeeter". What was in store for Skeeter?
To his dismay, she loaded him high with her stuff, drove west and picked up more stuff, then drove south -- and kept driving. She took her time, seems she was overdue for a vacation. Eventually, they made it to their destination -- very near Skeeter's original home.
She drove like a mad-woman. Seems she was also over-due for some fun! Skeeter kept up with her freeway antics, long drives to meet her "friend", and forgetfulness for oil changes and regular maintenance. They had fun. And she made sure he had regular trips to the carwash. He liked being clean.
Fairly quickly, this "friend" became her husband, and they both drove him around -- and drove each other crazy. The hubby ensured Skeeter got regular maintenance -- and took Skeeter off-roading when the blonde wasn't around. That was fun! Skeeter out-did those big fancy trucks. Skeeter and the hubby even pulled a tree stump out of the back yard one day --- to the objections of the blonde.
There were outings to the mountains, up the coast of California & down the coast & up again, up the central valley of California & down again & up again, adventures to Utah and Idaho and Nevada, camping twice -- once even they slept in the car while camping. Chili cheese fries, soda, and burritos spilled on Skeeter's floor mats and always cleaned up. Because she loved him, she wasted some money on new rubber window gaskets, and eventually a reclaimed spare tire cover.
Then these little ones arrived -- always dropping sippy cups and milk bottles on the floor. What a mess! Maintenance got very regular, but carwashes declined. Skeeter hated the trailmix and fruit snacks that were constant companions in the back seat, but loved the company. Eventually Skeeter started to feel his age. He was hospitalized for awhile for engine work, and he felt good for awhile. Then, Skeeter's transmission needed a face lift. That didn't go so well, that took some revisits to the doctor's office.
Then, both Skeeter and the blonde could see the writing on the wall. They knew that time was short. Skeeter was left at home when the family left on vacation. He was very sad, but knew he couldn't make it anymore. One day, his starter was having trouble. She gave him a little gas, and he managed to get going, and that was good for a couple of weeks. She was afraid to take him to the doctor this time. He had many miles on him, but was giving her everything he could give.
Late in June almost 10 years from the time they met, Skeeter couldn't make it over the freeway hill and he over-heated. She turned him around and limped him to the mechanic. The news was bad. He needed a new engine gasket, his second. And his crank pulley was wobbly. If they could fix the gasket, it was just a band-aid and a new engine would be needed soon. They both knew he was unsafe to drive the kids around in.
She felt bad, almost disloyal, but she couldn't afford to fix him. She cried. Skeeter cried, but they said their good-byes. She sold him to somebody who could afford to fix him with his own skills. And she hoped, for his sake, that it gave him another chance. He still had his original engine and transmission, and had served her faithfully and reliably until he had 341,026 miles. And she'll never forget him.
Her life had changed over the last 10 years, and Skeeter had been with her for every mile -- whether difficult or fun or disappointing. He had been there, and she'll never forget him.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
When Moses Went to Mexico
When I was married, it was a long week. My mother-in-law died the week before we got married, and it got worse from there. When the elderly officiator at my wedding saw this young couple in front of him, he thought it was a good time to impart some of his life-long wisdom to us. Because it had been a terrible week and because I try to look for meaning in my life, I listened very intently to what the wise man had to say. I had been taught that if they have gray hair, you owe them an attentive ear. I thought surely something he would say in the next 10 minutes would somehow come to mind and save my marriage some day in the future.
I soon realized he was delivering an encapsulated version of the entire history of the Gospel of Jesus Christ --- sooo, I acted my age and politely nodded. I knew this already.
When I left the temple, my sister was waiting outside and said, "SO, I hear Moses went to Mexico!" "Huh?" "The officiator, he said, "and when Moses went down to Mexico"". Hmmm -- my wheels turning. "He did! You're right!!!" (Since we all know Moses went to Egypt, this was a good chuckle.)
I was thinking of this the other day. My mind was also wandering to the fact that my 10-year anniversary is approaching. I was thinking of what I could say I had learned after a decade of marriage, and then thought of this officiator. How my search for deep meaning that day had turned up an empty harvest.
And then, "Duh!"
What I have learned in almost 10 years of marriage, and what I learned from the officiator that day (now that I think about it) --- was a reminder to never take yourself too seriously. Here we were, a long, hard week which almost resulted in no wedding at all .... making an eternal, never-ending commitment. Seeing ourselves beyond this life, in a way only God sees us. And in the midst of it, "Moses went down to Mexico!"
Take your promises/ commitments/ covenants seriously. Take your duty to your spouse seriously. Be dedicated to them in every way --- even when you have to tell them to just "Cool It!". But never, ever take yourself or each other TOO seriously. Laugh. Laugh in your anger. Laugh while you cry. Laugh when you pay a bill off. Laugh when you can't pay it off, because the car broke down. Laugh when you're ready to kill each other. Laugh when you know you're wrong and just can't admit it. In the grand scheme, compared to our Father in Heaven, you are still two kids playing house, trying to figure out how it all works.
May all your Moses' go down to Mexico!
I soon realized he was delivering an encapsulated version of the entire history of the Gospel of Jesus Christ --- sooo, I acted my age and politely nodded. I knew this already.
When I left the temple, my sister was waiting outside and said, "SO, I hear Moses went to Mexico!" "Huh?" "The officiator, he said, "and when Moses went down to Mexico"". Hmmm -- my wheels turning. "He did! You're right!!!" (Since we all know Moses went to Egypt, this was a good chuckle.)
I was thinking of this the other day. My mind was also wandering to the fact that my 10-year anniversary is approaching. I was thinking of what I could say I had learned after a decade of marriage, and then thought of this officiator. How my search for deep meaning that day had turned up an empty harvest.
And then, "Duh!"
What I have learned in almost 10 years of marriage, and what I learned from the officiator that day (now that I think about it) --- was a reminder to never take yourself too seriously. Here we were, a long, hard week which almost resulted in no wedding at all .... making an eternal, never-ending commitment. Seeing ourselves beyond this life, in a way only God sees us. And in the midst of it, "Moses went down to Mexico!"
Take your promises/ commitments/ covenants seriously. Take your duty to your spouse seriously. Be dedicated to them in every way --- even when you have to tell them to just "Cool It!". But never, ever take yourself or each other TOO seriously. Laugh. Laugh in your anger. Laugh while you cry. Laugh when you pay a bill off. Laugh when you can't pay it off, because the car broke down. Laugh when you're ready to kill each other. Laugh when you know you're wrong and just can't admit it. In the grand scheme, compared to our Father in Heaven, you are still two kids playing house, trying to figure out how it all works.
May all your Moses' go down to Mexico!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Out-laws
I had a boss one time that referred to her in-laws as "the out-laws". She was married, with a daughter in college, and her mother-in-law was still encouraging her son to divorce his wife because she hadn't given birth to a son. They had a beautiful daughter, but couldn't have any more.
I know that family businesses can tear families apart. People get greedy, or feel their survival is threatened, and they do cruel things. Money has this strange effect on even the tightest bonds, people kick into anything between "fighting for survival" and "fighting for a pipe dream" that wouldn't do them any good anyway or one they will never live long enough to see to fruition. I know good people, grown adults, who are still seeking the approval of their abusive parents, and it will never happen.
Some families deal with theft, abuse, violence, psychoses, and hatred. And on the other hand, some families just can't communicate well. The former have good reasons to be estranged, to protect themselves from further harm. The latter, just don't get it. Oh how short these moments are on the stage of eternity!!
I know a wise woman, one I admire, and she taught me, "Consider the source." This advice has saved my career in more than one moment, but I think it has further application.
If you are in one of those families that doesn't have any "real" issues besides terrible communication, and you are at a family function .... just, "Consider the source." Be pleasant, kind, and outgoing. Be helpful. When all is done, get in the car, drive away, give your spouse an earful about your family and your in-laws, etc., etc., etc. But when all is said and done, consider the source.
What was said that you didn't like? Why was it said? Were you actually there or did it get relayed 2nd hand? Was it said out of love and concern, or hatred and cruelty? Every family communicates differently, most individuals communicate differently. Some individuals, even though they have adapted to their family communication style, still feel like its a "one size fits all" style that well, ... ... doesn't truly fit them. Then, what do we do? We go and throw in a bunch of in-laws, who don't know the "code of conduct", or will never fit into that "one size fits all" dress. And before you know it, we have some more "out-laws" because they don't fit into the dress. You've spent a lifetime learning to fit the mold, and you've fit it because that's all you've known. In-laws are lucky enough to see the mold, and know that it doesn't have to be.
So, consider the source. Ask yourself, which category it falls into: 1) different than my world view, 2) more open and frank than I appreciated, 3) insensitive, 4) vengeful, 5) intended to do harm, or 6) intended to incite war. What do I know about this person? Do they usually aim bows and arrows at the hearts of others OR are they generally a good person who married and cares for a member of your family? And how much do you care for that member of your family? Does your mutual past, memories, or shared lifetime, mean anything to you? .... Then, consider the source.
And after you "consider the source", pray for them. Get on your knees and pray for their health and happiness. Pray that you may know what they need and how to help them. Pray that they my know the joys you have in your life, and pray for understanding. Pray for forgiveness and gentleness of heart.
The other person in my life that I admire is my husband. He would give away our very home to help someone in need, if I let him. He remembers others, he prays for others. I am so buried in getting through each tough day, but he is the one who looks around for those eternal service opportunities. I wish someday to have the courageous heart he does. I yearn to have his courage to speak out about what I see, and what I care about. I wish people could see him as I do, and know that I am better because of him. He values family. He is the in-law, and still comes home and prays for my family. He prays for every single need he sees, and I don't know how he does it.
Like my blog subtitle says. My life is perfect, but I'm not ... I'm working on it.
I know that family businesses can tear families apart. People get greedy, or feel their survival is threatened, and they do cruel things. Money has this strange effect on even the tightest bonds, people kick into anything between "fighting for survival" and "fighting for a pipe dream" that wouldn't do them any good anyway or one they will never live long enough to see to fruition. I know good people, grown adults, who are still seeking the approval of their abusive parents, and it will never happen.
Some families deal with theft, abuse, violence, psychoses, and hatred. And on the other hand, some families just can't communicate well. The former have good reasons to be estranged, to protect themselves from further harm. The latter, just don't get it. Oh how short these moments are on the stage of eternity!!
I know a wise woman, one I admire, and she taught me, "Consider the source." This advice has saved my career in more than one moment, but I think it has further application.
If you are in one of those families that doesn't have any "real" issues besides terrible communication, and you are at a family function .... just, "Consider the source." Be pleasant, kind, and outgoing. Be helpful. When all is done, get in the car, drive away, give your spouse an earful about your family and your in-laws, etc., etc., etc. But when all is said and done, consider the source.
What was said that you didn't like? Why was it said? Were you actually there or did it get relayed 2nd hand? Was it said out of love and concern, or hatred and cruelty? Every family communicates differently, most individuals communicate differently. Some individuals, even though they have adapted to their family communication style, still feel like its a "one size fits all" style that well, ... ... doesn't truly fit them. Then, what do we do? We go and throw in a bunch of in-laws, who don't know the "code of conduct", or will never fit into that "one size fits all" dress. And before you know it, we have some more "out-laws" because they don't fit into the dress. You've spent a lifetime learning to fit the mold, and you've fit it because that's all you've known. In-laws are lucky enough to see the mold, and know that it doesn't have to be.
So, consider the source. Ask yourself, which category it falls into: 1) different than my world view, 2) more open and frank than I appreciated, 3) insensitive, 4) vengeful, 5) intended to do harm, or 6) intended to incite war. What do I know about this person? Do they usually aim bows and arrows at the hearts of others OR are they generally a good person who married and cares for a member of your family? And how much do you care for that member of your family? Does your mutual past, memories, or shared lifetime, mean anything to you? .... Then, consider the source.
And after you "consider the source", pray for them. Get on your knees and pray for their health and happiness. Pray that you may know what they need and how to help them. Pray that they my know the joys you have in your life, and pray for understanding. Pray for forgiveness and gentleness of heart.
The other person in my life that I admire is my husband. He would give away our very home to help someone in need, if I let him. He remembers others, he prays for others. I am so buried in getting through each tough day, but he is the one who looks around for those eternal service opportunities. I wish someday to have the courageous heart he does. I yearn to have his courage to speak out about what I see, and what I care about. I wish people could see him as I do, and know that I am better because of him. He values family. He is the in-law, and still comes home and prays for my family. He prays for every single need he sees, and I don't know how he does it.
Like my blog subtitle says. My life is perfect, but I'm not ... I'm working on it.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
A Family's Decisions
I have a few thoughts tonight. My son just finished Kindergarten. He scored the highest in his class on the standardized test in the subject of reading. There were other awards earned, given, and received, but I am very proud of my son. And, I am very proud of this family.
People say a lot of stupid things about working moms, about families with two working parents, and even about families who choose private school over public. When it comes to these trades in life my theory is: Be happy with your decision. Be honest enough with yourself to change it when it doesn't work. And respect the other woman or mom enough, to let HER be happy with HER decisions.
Our family juggles a crazy schedule, a good dose of hardship, long commutes, and ........ regardless of all that ...... my child has still learned to read. We have made our decisions with a lot of thought and prayer. Depending upon the choice, we continue to "check-in" to make sure that this is the only solution or that it is the solution we still desire. We are not my mother's family, or that other family at church, or that other family at school. We are OUR family. Our children are loved, and they and their education is a priority.
And I am very proud of my son and our little family tonight.
People say a lot of stupid things about working moms, about families with two working parents, and even about families who choose private school over public. When it comes to these trades in life my theory is: Be happy with your decision. Be honest enough with yourself to change it when it doesn't work. And respect the other woman or mom enough, to let HER be happy with HER decisions.
Our family juggles a crazy schedule, a good dose of hardship, long commutes, and ........ regardless of all that ...... my child has still learned to read. We have made our decisions with a lot of thought and prayer. Depending upon the choice, we continue to "check-in" to make sure that this is the only solution or that it is the solution we still desire. We are not my mother's family, or that other family at church, or that other family at school. We are OUR family. Our children are loved, and they and their education is a priority.
And I am very proud of my son and our little family tonight.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)