Electronics and Church

Photo courtesy of www.lds.org

Repeat after me, "I, [state your name], love my young child enough to not let them take electronics to church."

The night before Mother's Day, and an impending church service the next day, my son tried again to re-initiate a negotiation with me.  He insisted he needed to take his electronics to church.  He stated that it was allowed by his teacher.  His teacher lets all the boys play their games until the other teacher returns from the library with the study materials.  Then class starts and they put their games away.  To which, I responded, "I'm glad your teachers have rules, however, I love you enough to not let you take your electronics to church."

I was pretty wishy-washy on what our rule should be for a long time.  So yes, the Kindle came to church because he had a copy of the scriptures on it.  He gave me his word that he would not play games.  Of course I knew what would happen -- but I tend to experiment on my children, giving them just enough rope "to hang themselves".  So... a few things DID happen.  I had to struggle with him during sacrament (chapel service) to take it away when he played games.  I got a report from one teacher that they couldn't get him to put it away.  He claimed he wasn't playing games -- only shopping for them.  On another day, his was playing a stickman game where the stickman jumps off the building, and you try to pick the right trajectory so as not to kill it.  He had the attention of six children in various aisles around him as they all laughed during sacrament.

I'm also a mother who has brought lots of snacks and other distractions to **attempt** to not have mass chaos in our pew.  Anything can distract a kid -- but coloring books and crackers are a little less involved.  The kids still look up when they hear someone they recognize.  But my kids are now 5 and 8 years old, and its time they start paying attention.  If they can hold an adult conversation, then they can listen to an adult speak for at least a few minutes.

Last night I told my son that those 10 minutes when other kids are playing games, are a great time for him to listen to the Spirit and how he feels while he's in church.  Its a great time to just listen.  It would also be a great time for him and his teacher to get to know each other better.  He got mad and went to bed without giving me a hug and a kiss.  But today, in church, he listened to two talks.  In my mind, that's a fair trade.

The Worm

As I walked across the parking lot today, I saw a worm struggling for life in the middle of the blacktop.

It not knowing of the inevitability of its death.  I not knowing what misfortune had brought it here.

I mumbled, “I don’t know why I’m doing this,” as I threw the worm into the soft, wet dirt.

And yet, I knew.  Because in the moment previous, I had completely identified with the worm.

Why Kids Don't Need to Wear Jackets in the Autumn

I mentioned to Pint-sized that before she leave the house for school (this was last week), that she should take her jacket.  I got distracted and forgot to verify that she followed-through.  When we got to school, and the sun was shining, she made the point of telling me she was right.  "See Mom, I was right, I don't need my jacket.  Because the earth moves and the sun rises in the sky and warms the earth.  So, I'm warm and don't need my jacket."  Me, "Really?  Duh!"  [I'm thinking, while we're at would you like me to calculate the orbital movements of the earth for you?]

Orbital Mechanics and Radio Frequencies

Kids Viewing Solar Eclipse - Some Know Where to Look

My daughter is 4 1/2 years old.  What I share below has two caveats:

1. Before you post criticisms regarding my science answers, know that I don't care.  I've got two degrees in engineering and I don't remember everything I ever memorized.  This was after work, driving on the freeway, and I was trying to answer honestly, simply, and quickly before my daughter lost interest and returned to playing her Leapster (which she did at least once).
2. I am not sharing this in order to brag.  I'm sharing this for posterity, so some day I remember the good moments, and the unique challenges of raising my particular children.  Also, to share with everyone that no child is the same and no parent-child relationship is the same.  I have a testimony that children and parents are assembled in families with intent by God, "to help us become what He wants us to be" [The Family Is Of God, by Matthew Neeley].

Yesterday, my daughter was in the back seat of the car and asked, "Mom, when the earth moves what happens to the penguins?"  

I gave a lousy answer because I couldn't put words to my thoughts.  I wanted to say that we're small and the earth is large and we don't feel the movement of the earth as we ride on it.  I instead said, "The earth spins on its axis [with hand motions], but the penguins get to stay on their icebergs." 

Pint-sized, "Icebergs?!?" 

Me, "Yes, on their icebergs OR frozen tundra." [figuring even if I was wrong on exact environment, I'd take the chance to expand her vocabulary]

So, today I tried to fix it during our commute home.

Me, "I want to talk to you about penguins."

Pint-sized looks up eyes-wide.

Me,"Okay, pause your Leapster."  "Yesterday you asked what happens to the penguins when the earth moves.  It's like us.  We are small compared to the earth so we don't feel the movement. Okay?"

Pint-sized, "Okay, but my question is ... what keeps the earth here?" [exact wording]

Me, "Ah, well the earth moves in an oval or circle -- oval, about the sun.  And while it moves in an oval it also spins [with hand motions].  [I briefly think about mentioning precession, but I don't.]  But it moves around the sun due to gravity.  Gravity is a force that prevents us from floating through the air.  Remember your brother learned about mass in science? [shakes head no]  Well, the sun has a lot of mass or particles which means it has a lot of gravity."

Pint-sized, "So, can we stand on the sun?"

Me, "Well no, because its hot we'd burn up.  But even if it wasn't hot, it doesn't have any land to stand on, its just gas.  So, we'd go right through it."

Pint-sized, "So, can we put a house on the sun?"

Me, "No, because there's no land to build it on, it'd go right through."

Pint-sized, "But ... if it has gravity, we can't go through the other side."

Me [a little teary-eyed], "Yes!  You're right, the gravity means you'd go to the center and stay there, you can't go through.  And we need to look in your space book when we get home because I'm not sure if the sun has a solid core or not."

[I'm making an edit here because I forgot a portion.]
Me, "You know there's other planets that rotate around the sun.  There's Jupiter and Mars.  We think Jupiter is all gas.  Mars has land, we've sent rovers and science experiments there.  But we don't think it has any air to breathe."
Pint-sized, "But if we had space suits we could breathe."
Me, "Yes, we could, but we haven't gone to Mars yet."
Pint-sized, "Why not?"
Me, "Well, its a long trip and its further from the sun so we need more energy to get out there.  More fuel in our rockets."
Pint-sized, "Why can't we just go under the sun?" [with hand motions]
Me, [explaining again] "The sun is here, the earth is here, and Mars is further out.  So we go this way."
Pint-sized, "But why can't we go under it like this?" [Again with hand motions]
Me, "Ah!  From earth the sun looks very close, but its not --  its just very big.  But if we saw the sun in the sky we'd probably go the opposite direction."[she was satisfied, even though I basically did to orbital mechanics what Newtonian physics does to the real nature of the universe -- as in everyone learns the world according to the limited understanding of Newton before they learn Einstein's relativity]

[end of edit]

Pint-sized, "What about those big things at your office?"

Me, "Oh, the satellite dishes?  But they are actually radio signal receivers."

Pint-sized, "Radio signals?"

Me, "Okay, so the little particles in the air they start moving [wave motion with arm] and we listen, like on the radio station, and we hear music or other stuff."

Pint-sized, "How do we know the signals are there?"

Me, "Well, sometimes the particles move like this [slow wave] or sometimes like this [fast wave]."

Pint-sized, [giggle] "Really, really fast?"

Me, "Yes, that's called frequency.  So the radio stations assign numbers to those frequencies and we tune in and listen to those frequencies.  In fact, FM [pointing to the radio] stands for frequency modulation."

Pint-sized, "Okay, I'm done."

Me, "Okay, that was a good conversation."

Pint-sized, [eyes-wide, smiling] "Yes, that was a lot!"

Me, "Any time you have question."

Later, we were almost home, and out of the silence ...

Pint-sized, "You know 2 plus 2 equals 4."

Me, "Yes, what does 3 plus 1 equal?"

Pint-sized, [quiet] "It also equals 4!"

Me, "Good job!"

Pint-sized, "That's cause I used my fingers!"

Me, "Good!  You know you keep learning math and science and you can do a lot of cool things with the planets and the sun.  I use my math and science a lot at work.  I also use a lot of my reading."

The Twelve Days of Christmas (2013)

I imagine that most years I will not be able to blog in detail regarding our little tradition of anonymously delivering a gift each day for the 12 days leading up to Christmas.  But this year, our receiver is not web savvy, so I wanted to share the little things we've done for the sake of sharing ideas and for recording family history.

Day One:

On the first day of Christmas, Santa's elves bring you a little bit of nature to fill your house with its life and love.

-- The Elves

(The gift is a small, live evergreen with fake snow in the container.  I added miniature ornaments I collected from previous years of apartment-living.)

Day Two:

On the second day of Christmas, we bring you a fun reminder of the gift from yesterday.  It's not perfect, but its sure made with love. ;)

-- The Elves

(The gift is a Christmas tree made of stacked gingerbread stars and sugar frosting.  The kids decorated this one.  The kit was store bought.)

Day Three:

On the third day of Christmas, we bring you a hand-made craft made of Christmas cards.  Just a little bit of cheery color!

-- The Elves

(The gift is a flower vase made of Christmas cards.  The base is a pentagon, and the sides are all the same pear-ish shape, sewn together with thick floss.  Based on previous experience, this shape with a wider shape near the base is less top heavy and doesn't tip over easily.  Granny provided "the kit" with the templates.)

Day Four:

On the fourth day of Christmas, we bring you warm fuzzies.  We hope your day is filled with many "warm fuzzies" and no "cold pricklies".

-- The Elves

(The gift is six warm fuzzies.  You can see The Warm Fuzzy story is in the picture below.  The kids made the warm fuzzies of pom-pom balls, googlie eyes, pipe cleaner antennas, and index cards for feet.  Granny made "the kit" for us.)

Day Five:

On the sixth day of Christmas, we bring you ....  (I don't remember, it was lame).

-- The Elves

(The gift is clothes pin ornaments, again made from recycled Christmas Cards clipped to a strand of curly ribbon.  My son and I made these.  Granny provided "the kit", so that saved me lots of work.  This is a fun project because you get to pick out tidbits/smaller images from the cards and glue to the clothes pins.)

Day Six:
On the sixth day of Christmas, we bring you some homemade candles.  They look like Christmas trees, but smell like fresh pomegrani ates. (how do you spell that?)  May you enjoy the beauty of their light. 
-- The Elves
(I used a new technique when making these candles.  These were the only two that made it "successfully" through the process.  My husband thought the others deserved to be "re-melted" and made into different candles.)

Day Seven:
(The gift was a small box of Hickory Farms beef, cheeses, and mustards.)

A special note about Day 7:  Up until this point my kids had been the only ones to deliver gifts to the door.  On day 7, we got home very late due to a soccer team party, both kids fell asleep in the car, so I made the delivery.  I found a note:
"The Elves, 
Thank you for your kindness.  Your love is making [him] smile.  Could you please place any future items on [the] chair.  As he fell & broke his rib.  Can't bend.  :(  Tell Santa hello & thank you!
-- Daughter :)"
The greeting "The Elves" was circled and highlighted.  So, I'm guessing the note had been there since Day 5 or so.  Lesson learned: occasionally Mom or Dad Elf need to go to the door to check out the situation.  I felt terrible.

Day Eight:
Because of the note found on Day 7, I wrote a special note apologizing for not seeing his note earlier and explaining that the "delivery Elves" were quite small.

(The gift was three small paper chains made of many different colors of construction paper and stapled together.  My husband and I left for the day to finish shopping, and left this project to the babysitter and the kids.  Our receiver later hung each paper chain from his screen door.)

Day Nine:
On the ninth day of Christmas we bring you some fruit cocktail cookies and an elf-decorated ornament.  A pretty good likeness, eh?
-- The Elves
(Now, this was where it got rewarding as a mother.  We colored ornaments during church with the children that day as a Christmas craft.  Before I could suggest it, my son decided his ornament would be given as a 12 Days of Christmas gift and wrote on the back "From: ?".  I was tickled pink.)

Day Ten:
On the 10th day of Christmas we bring you some homemade banana bread.  With all the good ingredients of sugar & eggs, but no nuts.  One for now, and one for the freezer?  If it makes it to the freezer! ;)
-- The Elves
(So, I didn't think of this when delivering the cookies, but just in case our receiver had a food allergy -- I wanted him to know what was in it.  Of course, since the fruit cocktail cookies usually have nuts in them, so this note may have not mattered at this point.  Chuckle.)

A special note on Day 10:  My son came racing away from the door holding a huge tin over his head like it was the Stanley Cup.  It was a tin full of popcorn with this note:
Elves,
Thank you for all the fun, clever gifts enjoyed!  [He] left you a treat! :)  Merry Christmas.
My son truly thought he'd hit the jackpot.

Day Eleven:
On the eleventh day of Christmas, we bring you Pretzel Carmel Delights -- a Daddy Elf idea.  Thank you for the popcorn -- delish!
-- The Elves

(The treat was my husband's idea found online.  Pecan halves melted onto Rolo candies, melted on top of a pretzel. Didn't think of the nut allergy issue here, either.  ;)  But they are delicious!  Of course, when we went to make them, my husband discovered he had mistakenly picked up cheese pretzels.  They still tasted good, and we still delivered them.)

Day Twelve:
On the twelfth day of Christmas, we bring the fresh bounty of the season.  We have enjoyed this so much this year -- thank you.  The secret elves are ....  .....  still a secret. ;)
-- The Elves

Ah, day 12.  Some projects are just doomed.  So, this is Christmas day.  We had found two boxes of white Christmas ball ornaments at the thrift store for $2 each the week before.  We picked them up and I thought we could paint them with craft paint, and make them really cute.  My husband asked if the craft paint would stay on without lacquer.  Since I failed to pick some up, we switched to decorating with glitter pens.  I told the kids they would have to decorate lightly (this was 5pm already), so the glitter would dry in time for delivery.  Yeah, right!  So, we finished them ...... and then I quickly moved to plan B.  We created a fruit basket with mandarins, two red apples, a pear, and some cellophane.  It looked pretty, and pre-planned when it was finished -- thankfully.

When I checked the ornaments the next morning (we had discussed making a Day 13 delivery), I was glad we hadn't delivered them.  The glitter glue had pulled the white paint off the ornaments.  Basically,  they were silver ornaments with white paint on the OUTSIDE, and now the glitter and the white were coming off.

The Twelve Days of Christmas (Our Family History)

I am a former Camp Fire kid.  I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade and my family was knocking on doors in a local neighborhood, selling Camp Fire candy.  We met an older gentleman who had just been widowed.  I remember the porch, I don't remember his face, but I will always remember how terribly lonely he was.

Well, this struck a nerve with our little family, and my mom decided to do something about it.  She got the idea to do the 12 Days of Christmas for this gentleman.  And thus, a tradition was born in our family.  Every year for more than 25 years (~1985 to 2010+) my parents and whatever kids were still living at home, did the 12 Days of Christmas for a recent widow, someone who would be alone for Christmas, or someone we admired who needed a little pick-me-up.  And last year, this working mom with two kids, got the courage to try this with her own children -- yes, with a little bit of planning, we have a handmade or small purchased gift with a note from "The Elves" and deliver it after school each day for twelve days.

It has also produced additional family stories.  We've been "caught" very early, like on Day 2 or 3.  We've been "caught" halfway through.  We've had people leave us a gift on the last day of Christmas (nice, but not expected).  We have fallen running between our car and the receiver's house.  We even had a year where we delivered half the gifts to the wrong house -- Ooops!  (That sometimes happens when you have two different drivers, and one doesn't give directions very well & the other doesn't remember numbers -- love you Mom & Dad.)  And now, my mom and I have both had an experience where months later, our unique handmade gifts get us "caught".  My mom uses some unique yarn in her crocheted gifts, and made some sample for a church talent show -- a 12 Day receiver noticed the same yarn as her gifts.  And to my surprise (not), I guess many people don't make handmade candles in Mason jars.  I made some candles as prizes for a church activity, and I too, got caught.

As a mom, this has been a very rewarding experience!  My children who do not lack for toys, food, or clothing are learning to give away that which they have made.  They are learning they don't have to keep everything.  They are learning to make things with their own hands.  They are learning to be surprised, and to give anonymously.  And for the last two days, they have asked why they can't give to a different person each day for 12 Days.

See my next blog for details on this year's 12 Days of Christmas.

Tithing

Tithing is the practice of giving one tenth of your increase.  I am a Latter-Day Saint, so I pay one tenth of my increase to my church.  My church uses the tithes to build more churches & temples, increase the missionary work, repair & support Church historical sites, etc.  The Church has separate donation categories for humanitarian aid and offerings to help the needy.  (See Malachi Chapter 3 for more background on tithes.)  I have met more than one person not of my faith who pay one tenth of their increase to a non-religious charity or multiple charities of their choice.

I've been trying to encourage my son to read chapter books.  He is six years old.  Also, he desperately wants a Nintendo DS, but some weeks he changes that wish to an iPad or "Candle-Fire".  So, about a year ago, I told him I'd pay him $5 for every chapter book he finished.  Until this week, I've only had to pay up once -- and believe me, I've tried.  He has recently read "Diary of a Whimpy Kid" and "Diary of a Whimpy Kid, the Ugly Truth".  So, I went to pay him this evening.

I stopped myself and said, "Here's the $10 I owe you for reading.  If you choose to pay tithing on this, the tithing would be $1.  And $1 is one tenth or 10% of this $10."

He giggled and said, "I'm choosing not to pay tithing.  I will pay tithing AFTER I get my DS."
"Is this what you think Heavenly Father would want you to do?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay."

This caused me a moment of reflection.  He's 6.  How many of us act like 6 year olds?

• Thanks God, for the 100% of everything I have.  After I get what I want, I'll be happy to show You my gratitude and give You back 10%.
• I know I should "give back" to my community.  I'll do that later, after I buy the new TV, and go to Target for $100 worth of stuff, and Costco for $300 worth of stuff.

I am by no means advocating shirking your responsibilities to feed and clothe your family or pay your bills.  But, maybe this year as we approach the holidays & a new year of resolutions, we consider doing a little better and sacrificing a little more.  Let me work on that.

Grand Canyon South Rim Vacation -- Things To Do

Things We Didn't Do

This is a list of things you can do when visiting Northern Arizona or near the South Rim of the Grand Canyon.  They looked interesting, but we just ran out of time.  So, I'm saving this list for another trip or for your reference.

1. The Grand Canyon Deer Farm, a petting zoo & gift shop in Williams, AZ.  For more info, call (928) 635-4073 or www.deerfarm.com
2. Bearizona, a drive-thru wild animal park in Williams, AZ.  For more info, www.bearizona.com
3. Walnut Canyon National Monument, near Flagstaff, AZ.  For more info, http://www.nps.gov/waca/index.htm
4. Montezuma Well, part of Montezuma Castle National Monument in Camp Verde, AZ.  For more info, http://www.nps.gov/moca/montezuma-well.htm
5. Tuzigoot National Monument, near Clarkdale, AZ.  For more info, http://www.nps.gov/tuzi/index.htm

Things We Did Do

1. Route 66 Zipline Ride, high flying family adventure over Williams, AZ.  Price is $12 per person, buy 3 or more and Mom rides free.  Must be about 4' tall to ride.  Weight limit is 450 lbs per pair of riders.  Hotels currently have coupons for $2 off per ticket.
2. Grand Canyon Railway
3. Grand Canyon Village Historic District
4. 
   

The Real World

The world, doctors, scientists, etc. criticize parents for letting their kids watch too much TV.  Well, tonight I paused the TV to coordinate 4th of July plans via Facebook with a friend who's phone has been stolen and via cell phone with my husband.  In the meantime, I directed my children (now 6.5 and 3 yrs. old) to get their pajamas on and brush their teeth.  Obviously, they don't have my full attention, but this is reality folks.  Mom is often trying to do three things at once.

Here's what happens when you turn off the TV for 30 minutes:

1. one child argues that they don't want to brush their teeth
2. another child refuses to close the curtain on the front window while you sit in your pajamas
3. Mom yells at the top of her lungs because she is trying to accomplish three things at once and neither child is listening -- and should be quite capable of completing the tasks as requested before the 2nd Coming
4. rough housing causes the female child to break the male child's plastic sunglasses, causing tears in both parties
5. he tells her she is never going to get any new sunglasses ever again as punishment, causing tears in the female child
6. rough housing causes her to hit her head on the wall, again causing tears
7. hugs all around
8. Mom finishes "coordinating" between the two men on phone & Facebook
9. he brings his Leapster into the bathroom "paused" so he can brush his teeth, Mom moves it out and reminds them electronics and water don't mix -- and there is a strict "no non-bath toys" in the bathroom policy
10. female child is SHOWN how to squeeze toothpaste from the tube after claiming she can't do it
11. female child walks by said Leapster and turns it off, causing tears in male child
12. female child after apologizing, then decides to hop like a bunny while squeezing between the door and the male child, ends up hitting the male child on the chin with her hard head, causing tears in BOTH parties, and a bloody nose in the male child
13. hugs all around
14. teeth somehow get brushed
15. both children disappear while Mom cleans toothpaste off the sink (husband has complained abt said issue recently), and suddenly there's crying heard from the other room
16. post-interrogation reports indicate male child hit female child, but only after she poked him in the eye
17. Mom lectures male child on not hitting, lectures female child about LEAVING HER BROTHER ALONE after multiple incidents this evening
18. Bedtime prayers are skipped, Mom considers this a "risk reduction decision"
19. after Mom told him to put the Leapster away & there were more tears, she concedes to let him play Leapster in his bed for 10 minutes, because she's had it for one day
20. one bed gets made
21. She's in bed
22. Timer goes off, Mom retrieves Leapster
23. Goodnight

PLEASE, OH PLEASE, I hope the TV never breaks!  Counter to public opinion we have conclusive evidence that it is to the benefit and welfare of the children if they are parked in front of the TV, mesmerized, not moving.  IT IS SIMPLY SAFER FOR EVERYONE.  ;)

P.S. Husband comes home and claims this only happens when he leaves the house.

For My Friends Who Are Losing Their Hearing

Just picked this up from Kaiser ---

Nine Rules To Follow For Family & Friends of Hearing Impaired

1. Try not to speak from another room.
2. Try not to speak with your back to the person with the hearing deficit.
3. Try to speak more slowly.
4. Try to speak distinctly.
5. Try not to speak in competition with other sounds (TV, radio, running water, etc.)
6. Try to get the attention of the person with the hearing deficit before speaking. (Do not start speaking while the person is concentrating on something else.)
7. Try to speak face-to-face.
8. Try to remove obstructions while speaking (hand in front of face, cigarette in mouth, food in mouth, etc.)
9. Remember to be patient ....

Notice that none of these are to yell, shout, and treat them like idiots.  Basically, remember your manners and act like what you have to say is important enough for them to hear.  So, take the time to effectively communicate that information.

On the phone, when people can't hear me, I'm now in the habit of saying, "I'm sorry, my fault, sometimes I speak too fast."

On a funny note, the audiologist told me that my worst hearing is in the same decibel range where most men speak.  (So, maybe I truly have selective hearing.)

Sometimes They Listen

Granny and I finished my daughter's life book earlier this week.  Her life book describes how she was adopted and became a part of our eternal family.  Her book describes Dad and I getting married in the temple, adopting her brother, and having more love for another child.  Then, how she came to us and was sealed in the temple and received a baby blessing.  Granny had a chance to read it to her a couple of times before leaving town, and we've read it to her at least once.

So today, she hasn't been listening, and has been in a little bit of trouble today.  Our family had a fun day, but we were very ready for it to be bedtime tonight.  She gave me a kiss and hug, then started to walk away.
As she did, she put her hand on the bed post and very slowly said, "I was born, so I could go to the temple with you."
"What was that?"
She looks at me with a smile and with more confidence says, "I was born, so I could go to the temple with you.  And you are a princess."
"Come here ...   come here."  As I held her on my lap, "I am very glad you were born."
"Yeah." (with a smile)
"And I think you're pretty wonderful."
"Yeah." (more smiles)
And before she escapes, "And even when I'm angry because you're disobedient, I will ALWAYS love you."
"Can I go now?"
"Yep, go to bed."

They Say the Darndest Things!

So today was jam packed!

1. U6 Soccer Game
2. Family Day at my office -- open house for employees to show their families around
3. Fontana Library -- We have a 1st grade paper, presentation, and poster on the Opossum due November 9th.  What a beautiful library!!!
4. Target -- original intent was birthday present shopping & bike helmets, but also picked up Thanksgiving decor, Halloween on clearance, and some Christmas shirts
5. Shakey's for a little friend's birthday party

Remember, she's now 2.5 years old and he's 6 years old.

In the course of the day,

@1.  She called out, "Mommy, move your bum!!"  (She was sitting in my chair, while I jumped and paced at the edge of the soccer field.)

@1.  I told him he might have to get muddy playing goalie, but don't worry, I brought a change of clothes.  He said, "I'm not watching the mud, I'm watching the ball!!"  GOOD KID.

@2.  She spotted the filtered water faucet, like ours at home.  She exclaimed, "THAT'S FOR BABY FEEDERS!!"

@2.  "Kids, see Mommy's magnet collection?"  Mistake.  Commented to a co-worker, "Notice how I have all of those in just the right spot."  Response, "Yep, and Monday we'll see you putting them all back." .....
          "Hey kids, this is my space!"  .........
                        "Okay, time to go."   ..........    
                                      He says, "But we have to clean up."  Me, "Don't worry I'll do it later."

@2.  He pointed at a picture I took of the ocean, now hanging in my office, "Is that the ocean I almost drowned in?"  "No, you almost drowned in the our bathtub, not in the ocean."

@3.  As the elevator moved, she sighed, "I did it!"  (She's had this issue with elevators.)

@3.  Yesterday, after school we headed to the "LI-BERRY".  He's asleep, she's chattering.  "Is that the li-berry?  Is this the li-berry?  Is that the li-berry?"  "Sweetie, we have a long drive I will show you the library."  Well, the library was closed when we got there.  YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT SOMEONE HAD STOLEN HER DOLLY!!!  She REALLY took those locked doors personally.  Glad we made it there today.

@3.  Mom and Dad read childrens' stories to each other while our children played a computer game (its okay, they don't get any at home).  And for the first time, I actually considered buying an iPad for them.

@3.  They have children's restrooms with small kid-size toilets -- THANK YOU (But adult-sized sinks, I still had to sit my 2 yr old on the sink to wash her hands).  My 6 yr old thought the toilets were too small.  He exclaim with disgust, "Why do librarians have to have such small toilets?????"

@3.  "Oooo, that's a scary book."  He was pointing at a book in the children's section titled, Zombies in America.  Great!  Remind me to bring the blindfolds to the library next time.

@4.  Bike helmets.  Well, let's just say that we have now PROVEN that both our children have large heads.

@4.  Which bike helmet does she want?  The kitty.  No, Dora the Explorer.  No, the boys one.  No, the princesses.  NOT the Minnie Mouse one.  I WANT DORA!

@4.  In the gift bag aisle, he says, "Where does this go?  Shouldn't we put it back?"  Mom, "I didn't get it down.  I do not want to clean up the whole store!"  "Okay, but I'm going to put it here, because I WANT to clean up the whole store."  (Unfortunately, this is a result of nurture, not nature.  I have no one to blame but myself.)

@5.  An older, baby-sitting friend offered to take her to play the arcade games.  I said she had to wait.  Man!  I got the lowered eyebrow, "MOTHER!" look.  Fine, go!  Mercy!  I give!  You DID eat more vegetables than your brother.

@5.  She pointed at the drain in the bathroom floor, "There's fishies down there!"

@Home Again. She sees the toy spoon on the floor, and like any good little church lady says, "Oh!  I still have to make that dinner."

Trust in the Lord

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding." -- ??
For some reason, I can remember the words clearly for a week but cannot find the exact scriptural reference tonight.

Here it is, Proverbs 3:5:

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
9 Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase:
10 So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.
11 My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction:
12 For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
13 Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.

I encourage you to read the full chapter at lds.org: Proverbs 3

Trust in the Lord -- the other day I was thinking of some current struggles and sobbing about this statement.  Its just not that easy.  Four little words make it sound like, "Hey, no sweat, how hard could it be."  And yet, I find myself again and again struggling to trust in the Lord, and not on my own understanding.  And every time it works out I apologize to my Father in Heaven, and like my 2 and 1/2 year old, I say, "I will NEVER EVER do that again." I will NEVER EVER doubt again.  I will NEVER EVER struggle to leap.  I will NEVER EVER lack that faith.  And yet, here I go again.

I also know something else that I tend to forget.  The Lord loves me.  Another four words that don't really accurately portray all that my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, are willing to do for me.  Another four words which my pea-brained mind is only beginning to understand.

So, just how does this apply today?

I know that I am special.  Not special, "I'm better than you" special.  But special -- as in unique, special.  As in God threw away the mold when He was done baking me.  As in, there was no mold because He carved me by hand -- is STILL carving me by hand.  And I believe that each of us is a very unique carving by the hand of God.

I married a man who has been divorced twice.  You should have seen the looks I got -- like I was yet another woman to break his heart, or there must be something wrong with me because he doesn't have good taste.  Let me tell you, it takes a special kind of woman to be a 2nd or 3rd wife.  (And I imagine the same goes for a 2nd or 3rd husband.)  You have to be the type of person who is really good at finding the (sometimes broken) diamond in the rough, willing to take on a long-term project, and be very self-confident in who you are.  It was very humorous to me when everyone in my husband's life assumed who I was or would be.  It didn't take much for me to knock their socks off -- but I'm used to that.  People just don't see the tornado that's about to hit them when they meet me.  ;)

So, how do I make sense of this?  Did I just "get lucky" that he was divorced?  No.  Not by a long shot.  I know that my husband and I knew each other before we were born, and that we were meant to be married.  I know that because of who my husband is, he made choices, and I made choices, and in the end, it all worked out.  And I know that God knew that.  I know that his divorces helped him appreciate me more, and my dating experiences help me appreciate him more.  And I have a feeling, that if it didn't work out, God had a really good back-up plan in mind for me.  ;)  (tongue in cheek)  But even though we both have a testimony of our marriage, it is good for me to occasionally remind him that "he wasn't my only option".

Furthermore, I know that I will be married to my husband for all of eternity.  And my children will be mine for all of eternity.  I know that in the next life, everyone receives that which they care most about.  My husband wants a mansion in Heaven.  I just want a cottage in a clearing in the woods with a large garden that never gets weeds -- where it is very quiet when I need it to be quiet, and where the animals are loud and noisy when I need the distraction.  And where there is a path to the city, if I ever want to leave and enjoy the theatre.  And at night, it is so clear that I can see millions and millions of stars.  And any service God needs me to do will be done via computer, unless its for children -- then I will show up in person, "with bells on".  (Sorry, I digressed for a minute there.)

But this is where I trust in the Lord, and lean not unto my own understanding.  For He knows who I am, and what will make me happy.  He knows the depth of my heart, and breadth of my personality and how little room I have for inadequate previous wives.  And again, tongue-in-cheek, if my husband doesn't meet me in my wooded clearing I'm sure there's a REALLY good back-up plan waiting.

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

I'm a mother of two beautiful, smart, wonderful, caring children.  And we adopted them.  But I want the world to know that I did not "settle" for them.  My children are not some kind of door prize given to those sad souls who can't conceive children on their own.  My children are the once-in-a-lifetime, Publisher's Clearing House, win the BIG lotto type of prize.  They are the Golden Ticket -- and I got two of them.

I have read articles, comments on articles, and talked to people (even former family) who have the attitude that since adoptive parents can't conceive on their own, they should accept whatever child is offered to them.  They cite the thousands of older children above the age of 5 yrs old who are still in foster care because they are considered "un-adoptable".  They cite the thousands of special needs kids in America who need loving homes.  Basically, I have often heard one of two things: 1) "beggars can't be choosers" or 2) you need to be more lovingly, like Mother Theresa.

I have spent some time with older foster kids, and they are wonderful.  I love them dearly.  I am privileged to know them.  Every day, they and they're families fight to overcome the craziness of their early childhood years.  To stabilize, to love, and to nurture.

But let me clarify a few things.  Some of these kids are still in foster status because our system is trying very hard to give their bio-parents every opportunity to re-unite their families.  Many of the children aren't available for adoption, because bio-parents keep taking two steps forward and one step back.  Kids go home to live with bio-parents for 6 months, things fall apart again, and the kids are back in the system.  Basically, they are unavailable for adoption, not "un-adoptable".

Additionally, social workers are trying very hard to put kids in homes where the placement will work "for good".  They try very hard to match personalities, race, culture, etc.  They try very hard to blend this new family just right and still fit within all the state-mandated requirements on number of children in the home, boys in one room and girls in another, and age separation between child and parents.  I don't always agree with the decisions, but I'm glad I'm not a social worker.

My goal in adopting children wasn't to relieve societal or family pressure on myself.  It wasn't to feel fulfilled as a woman.  It was simply to be a "mom".  My dream was to watch that toddler start to express themselves and get to know everything that was happening in that little brain.  My dream was to hold a tiny baby and watch that tiny baby take everything I had or had not provided or taught and turn into a wonderful adult.

I read all those questionnaires from the agencies, and did countless hours of soul-searching with my spouse on what we wanted in our future family, and we answered those very seriously.  No one teaches you how to "be flexible" without twisting your spouse's arm.  Those probably had to be some of the most difficult conversations of our marriage.  Knowing that every "No" meant less opportunity to adopt, but still trying to respect the other's opinions and feelings.  And no, in the end, we did not ask for perfection.

As adults, we realize that sometimes we have to "settle".  We trade old dreams for new ones.  We sacrifice something we once thought we wanted, for something we want more now.  Sometimes, we have remorse.  We call it "settling".  Other times, we realize that we have grown and our dreams have changed, and we are at peace with those decisions.

My dream was to have brand new, completely healthy babies ... and know that someday, when they hate me or when I'm totally aggravated by their decisions --- that all of it, EVERY SINGLE NURTURING INFLUENCE OR LACK THEREOF, was completely my fault.  That's crazy, yes, but I wasn't settling on this.  

And I am NOT Mother Theresa.  My children are not "lucky to have me".  Heck, they will be lucky to survive me.  I'm not a "tiger mom", but pretty close  -- I constantly fight my hovering instinct.  I am lucky to know my children.  They are beautiful people.  They have saved my life in ways no one will ever understand.  They help me laugh when I forget to, they motivate me to be a better person, and they remind me that there is more to life than just work.

First Grade Orientation

I attended school orientation for my first grader tonight.  One of the other moms looked at me and said, "Why?  Our kids have been attending here for ages, what do I need to get "orientated" about?"  I said, "Well, they could have changed things since last year."  She said, "Thanks, you're not helping."  She stayed and was glad she did, because things are changing just a bit.

I like the beginning of the school year --- NO, I LOVE THE BEGINNING OF SCHOOL.  I always have, and now that I work full-time I get to live vicariously through my children.  Ah!  The joy of new erasers and fresh markers.  Fresh school clothes.  A new class.  A new teacher, sometimes.  A fresh start.

I had a mixture of emotion tonight.  Gratitude that my son has the same teacher again -- a teacher who obviously loves children.  Total exhaustion at the thought of another nine months of homework battles.  Pride when the teacher mentioned in front of the other parents that my son was the best reader in the class last year.  Relief when the other 1st grader parents mentioned that yes, their children had also completely resisted workbooks and reading this summer. --- And Comraderie when I left the room with the other first grade parents discussing the changes for the new year.

Ah!  What fun it is to be a parent.

So I Bought A Chevy Volt

(This blog will be written in installments, as time permits.  All new additions, have dates in blue.)

What was my motivation?
I drive 84 miles round trip per day, 5 days per week.  I was at the gas station twice per week.  We had driven a Chevy Volt at a car show and liked it.  So, I continued to eye the Volts.  We had also driven a Leaf.  It scared me to drive a solely electric car with two kids -- and be stuck someplace without a charge.  I was already dealing with occasional break-downs in my current "beater" car.  The Volt's electric battery with "back-up" gas engine was a great solution.  But a single charge could only get me to work, I would still need to drive gas on the way home at night.

Then, my company installed electric vehicle charging stations at no cost to the employees.  I could charge at home, drive to work, charge at work during the day, and drive home.

Then, my current vehicle died.  http://workingonwonderwoman.blogspot.com/2012/07/ode-to-my-honda-crv.html

We looked at used cars.  I really did try to buy a used car.  Even with a used car, we would be adding a car payment and increased insurance (possibly) to the monthly budget --- and still on the same gasoline bill.  We went to a popular used car dealership, the one car under $20K my husband outright refused to buy.  We checked into a used Honda from a local dealership, and the Honda salesman turned me off almost immediately.

So, we drove down the street to the Chevy dealership.

How the Volt Works (in non-engineer terms)
To Be Written

My Driving Habits

Freeway Driving:
I had three speeds on the freeway.

1. My goal speed.  If I drove too long below this speed, I got very angry.
2. My, "Oh crap, I wasn't looking" speed.  At which point, my foot came off the gas.
3. And my, "#%$#&%$, I REALLY wasn't looking" speed.  At which point, I tapped the brakes.

While the Volt is completely capable of handling all three speeds, my goal speed has now dropped by 6 to 8 mph and I haven't reached #3.  I am simply trying to be more efficient in my battery usage, I'm trying to make it home or to work solely on electricity.  And stifling my lead foot helps.  Anyone could do this, you don't have to buy a electric vehicle to attempt to be more efficient in your gasoline usage.  (Yes, I knew this before as well, I just wasn't as motivated to listen.)
For example, one day I got tired of driving behind someone who had no one in front of them and was going less than the speed limit.  I hit the gas, and passed around the vehicle.  The Volt followed my lead and did a great job -- however, I was on my last tiny bit of electric charge when I got to work (which is why the gas tank back-up is WONDERFUL).

City Street Driving:

Low Profile:

Extra Weight:


By the Numbers -- Gasoline
I put gas in the car before I drove it home the first night, 06/30/12.  As of 07/30/12, I have not put gas in since I bought it, I have driven 2,027 miles, and my car tells me I still have 70 miles to go on the gas tank -- if I didn't have any battery power remaining.  January through June of 2012, I've averaged $300/month in gasoline expenses on my Honda (minimum $203, maximum $418).  My husband's Dodge van averaged $465/month (minimum $375, maximum $543).  We've been using the Volt for family errands on Saturdays, instead of the van.

Our gasoline costs for the month of July were $274.  Assuming our driving habits were similar in July to the first 6 months of the year, that's a $491 savings.  Even if we both had spent our minimum gasoline bill in the same month (which we didn't), its still a savings of $304.

08/09/12:  I ran on gas for a little while this evening.  The first 3.5 miles were solely highway, measured ~50 mpg.  Slowed down for the off-ramp and the stoplight/ stop sign laden city streets for another 4 miles, measured ~30.7 mpg.  One adult and two kids with car seats weighing down the car.

By the Numbers -- Electricity
We are currently running our home electricity and electric charging for the Volt on the same meter.  Southern California Edison offers an additional price break if we pay an electrician to install a separate meter just for the car.  We're looking into that.

Our electricity billing is based on a tiered system, with the price going up for each kWh as your usage increases past each tier's threshold.

July, 2010 Usage: 70.56 kWh.  The average max temp in the area for the month was 91 deg F, and average mean 77 deg F.  The peak was 105 deg F.

July, 2011 Usage: 68.00 kWh.
          The average max temp was 92 deg F, and average mean 78 deg F.  The peak was 100 deg F.

July, 2012 Usage: 67.91 kWh with the Volt charging ~24 days.
          The average max temp was 93 deg F, and average mean 78 deg F.  The peak was 102 deg F.

So, obviously, something in our habits changed to offset the Volt charging.  I don't know what it was (-- we are still very good friends with our central A/C), but either way, our habits and the weather have about as much affect on our electric bill as charging a car.

A true comparison might be easier during the winter months when our electrical usage is fairly consistent over many months.  We're currently in our 3-month peak season.

How It Drives
To Be Written

Interior & Cargo Space
08/10/12:  Very comfortable, enjoyable ride.  Easy to wipe down, clean-up any spills.  All controls easily within reach.  Enough room for back packs, bags, etc. on the floor of the front passenger seat or in the trunk.  I only have some small "Commuter Mom" comments:

1) I can't reach the floor of the back seat.  In the Honda CRV, I could pretty much play "gumby" Mom while driving and reach any sippy cup, granola bar, or toy dropped on the floor without any effort.  Now, I can't reach anything.  But maybe the kids will just learn to keep track of their stuff.  ;)

2) There isn't a really good spot for a trash bag.  The floor of the front passenger seat puts the bag too far away.  Putting a bag on the passenger seat always has the risk of spilling all over the car when hitting the brakes or leaking onto the seat.  There's two cup holders and an open cubby behind the gear shift, so between the three spots, one ends up getting used as a small trash.

3) The console between the front seats runs across the floor of the back seats, in between the back seats to the trunk.  So, basically, the kids have to climb over this (putting their dusty feet all over) to get out of the opposite side of the car -- which is necessary on occasion when some idiot parks too close to one of your doors.

4) Space is great for myself and the two kids with our daily stuff.  There's a period in every child's life when their legs lay straight out from their seat, and aren't long enough to hang down.  So, when my husband joins us in the car on the weekend, there's a little compromise on leg space between him and the little one in the back seat.

But like I said, these are minor.  Maybe this will help some future or current car designer think of what us "Commuter Moms" need.

Proud to Be A Mormon

There was a recent Facebook post of a picture of the LDS temple in San Diego, California.  It said, "Share if you are proud to be a Mormon."  I did, because I am.

I am a Latter-Day Saint.  I know that Jesus Christ lives.  I know that I am a daughter of God.  I know that my Heavenly Father loves me.  And I am proud to be nick-named "a Mormon".

Now, why am I proud to be a Mormon?

I am proud to be a Mormon, because there was a time when I wasn't -- well, at least not a very good one.  There was a time in my life when I wasn't living the way I should.  When I wasn't living up to the knowledge and testimony that I had previously acquired by study and faith.

Through a lot of hard work, I repented, and I changed.  I fought hard.  I fought harder trying to forgive myself, but eventually that happened.  And that's why I'm proud.  I'm proud because through exercising the gospel of repentance, through two great bishops, and a lot of love from family and friends --- I became a better person.  I am grateful for both bishops, one bishop who laid down the law, and the other who convinced me it was okay to forgive myself.  I am proud to be a Mormon, someone who sets high standards for themselves and fights to live up to those standards.  Someone who doesn't give up, but strives every day to do a little better.

And isn't that what a religion should do?

Ode to My Honda CRV

He started life on the freeways of southern California in 1999, and entered the "car witness protection program" two years later.  He reappeared in Sacramento with 68,836 miles, and a new zest for life.  He hung out at "witness protection headquarters" eagerly waiting for his relocation assignment.

Then, two short blonde chicks walked in one night, and thought they could make a deal on a car.  Late that night, they finally claimed this dark green Honda CRV and drove him off the lot for good.  The smarter, prettier, and wiser blonde girl made herself at home in the front seat, and proceeded to name this Honda, "Skeeter".  What was in store for Skeeter?

To his dismay, she loaded him high with her stuff, drove west and picked up more stuff, then drove south -- and kept driving.  She took her time, seems she was overdue for a vacation.  Eventually, they made it to their destination -- very near Skeeter's original home.

She drove like a mad-woman.  Seems she was also over-due for some fun!  Skeeter kept up with her freeway antics, long drives to meet her "friend", and forgetfulness for oil changes and regular maintenance.  They had fun.  And she made sure he had regular trips to the carwash.  He liked being clean.

Fairly quickly, this "friend" became her husband, and they both drove him around -- and drove each other crazy.  The hubby ensured Skeeter got regular maintenance -- and took Skeeter off-roading when the blonde wasn't around.  That was fun!  Skeeter out-did those big fancy trucks.  Skeeter and the hubby even pulled a tree stump out of the back yard one day --- to the objections of the blonde.

There were outings to the mountains, up the coast of California & down the coast & up again, up the central valley of California & down again & up again, adventures to Utah and Idaho and Nevada, camping twice -- once even they slept in the car while camping.  Chili cheese fries, soda, and burritos spilled on Skeeter's floor mats and always cleaned up.  Because she loved him, she wasted some money on new rubber window gaskets, and eventually a reclaimed spare tire cover.

Then these little ones arrived -- always dropping sippy cups and milk bottles on the floor.  What a mess!  Maintenance got very regular, but carwashes declined.  Skeeter hated the trailmix and fruit snacks that were constant companions in the back seat, but loved the company.  Eventually Skeeter started to feel his age.  He was hospitalized for awhile for engine work, and he felt good for awhile.  Then, Skeeter's transmission needed a face lift.  That didn't go so well, that took some revisits to the doctor's office.

Then, both Skeeter and the blonde could see the writing on the wall.  They knew that time was short.  Skeeter was left at home when the family left on vacation.  He was very sad, but knew he couldn't make it anymore.  One day, his starter was having trouble.  She gave him a little gas, and he managed to get going, and that was good for a couple of weeks.  She was afraid to take him to the doctor this time.  He had many miles on him, but was giving her everything he could give.

Late in June almost 10 years from the time they met, Skeeter couldn't make it over the freeway hill and he over-heated.  She turned him around and limped him to the mechanic.  The news was bad.  He needed a new engine gasket, his second.  And his crank pulley was wobbly.  If they could fix the gasket, it was just a band-aid and a new engine would be needed soon.  They both knew he was unsafe to drive the kids around in.

She felt bad, almost disloyal, but she couldn't afford to fix him.  She cried.  Skeeter cried, but they said their good-byes.  She sold him to somebody who could afford to fix him with his own skills.  And she hoped, for his sake, that it gave him another chance.  He still had his original engine and transmission, and had served her faithfully and reliably until he had 341,026 miles.  And she'll never forget him.

Her life had changed over the last 10 years, and Skeeter had been with her for every mile -- whether difficult or fun or disappointing.  He had been there, and she'll never forget him.

When Moses Went to Mexico

When I was married, it was a long week.  My mother-in-law died the week before we got married, and it got worse from there.  When the elderly officiator at my wedding saw this young couple in front of him, he thought it was a good time to impart some of his life-long wisdom to us.  Because it had been a terrible week and because I try to look for meaning in my life, I listened very intently to what the wise man had to say.  I had been taught that if they have gray hair, you owe them an attentive ear.  I thought surely something he would say in the next 10 minutes would somehow come to mind and save my marriage some day in the future.

I soon realized he was delivering an encapsulated version of the entire history of the Gospel of Jesus Christ --- sooo, I acted my age and politely nodded.  I knew this already.

When I left the temple, my sister was waiting outside and said, "SO, I hear Moses went to Mexico!"  "Huh?"  "The officiator, he said, "and when Moses went down to Mexico"".  Hmmm -- my wheels turning. "He did!  You're right!!!"  (Since we all know Moses went to Egypt, this was a good chuckle.)

I was thinking of this the other day.  My mind was also wandering to the fact that my 10-year anniversary is approaching.  I was thinking of what I could say I had learned after a decade of marriage,  and then thought of this officiator.  How my search for deep meaning that day had turned up an empty harvest.

And then, "Duh!"

What I have learned in almost 10 years of marriage, and what I learned from the officiator that day (now that I think about it) --- was a reminder to never take yourself too seriously.  Here we were, a long, hard week which almost resulted in no wedding at all .... making an eternal, never-ending commitment.  Seeing ourselves beyond this life, in a way only God sees us.  And in the midst of it, "Moses went down to Mexico!"

Take your promises/ commitments/ covenants seriously.  Take your duty to your spouse seriously.  Be dedicated to them in every way --- even when you have to tell them to just "Cool It!".  But never, ever take yourself or each other TOO seriously.  Laugh.  Laugh in your anger.  Laugh while you cry.  Laugh when you pay a bill off.  Laugh when you can't pay it off, because the car broke down.  Laugh when you're ready to kill each other.  Laugh when you know you're wrong and just can't admit it.  In the grand scheme, compared to our Father in Heaven, you are still two kids playing house, trying to figure out how it all works.

May all your Moses' go down to Mexico!

Out-laws

I had a boss one time that referred to her in-laws as "the out-laws".  She was married, with a daughter in college, and her mother-in-law was still encouraging her son to divorce his wife because she hadn't given birth to a son.  They had a beautiful daughter, but couldn't have any more.

I know that family businesses can tear families apart.  People get greedy, or feel their survival is threatened, and they do cruel things.  Money has this strange effect on even the tightest bonds, people kick into anything between "fighting for survival" and "fighting for a pipe dream" that wouldn't do them any good anyway or one they will never live long enough to see to fruition.  I know good people, grown adults, who are still seeking the approval of their abusive parents, and it will never happen.

Some families deal with theft, abuse, violence, psychoses, and hatred.  And on the other hand, some families just can't communicate well.  The former have good reasons to be estranged, to protect themselves from further harm.  The latter, just don't get it.  Oh how short these moments are on the stage of eternity!!

I know a wise woman, one I admire, and she taught me, "Consider the source."  This advice has saved my career in more than one moment, but I think it has further application.

If you are in one of those families that doesn't have any "real" issues besides terrible communication, and you are at a family function .... just, "Consider the source."  Be pleasant, kind, and outgoing.  Be helpful.  When all is done, get in the car, drive away, give your spouse an earful about your family and your in-laws, etc., etc., etc.  But when all is said and done, consider the source.

What was said that you didn't like?  Why was it said?  Were you actually there or did it get relayed 2nd hand?  Was it said out of love and concern, or hatred and cruelty?  Every family communicates differently, most individuals communicate differently.  Some individuals, even though they have adapted to their family communication style, still feel like its a "one size fits all" style that well, ... ... doesn't truly fit them.  Then, what do we do?  We go and throw in a bunch of in-laws, who don't know the "code of conduct", or will never fit into that "one size fits all" dress.  And before you know it, we have some more "out-laws" because they don't fit into the dress.  You've spent a lifetime learning to fit the mold, and you've fit it because that's all you've known.  In-laws are lucky enough to see the mold, and know that it doesn't have to be.

So, consider the source.  Ask yourself, which category it falls into: 1) different than my world view, 2) more open and frank than I appreciated, 3) insensitive, 4) vengeful, 5) intended to do harm, or 6) intended to incite war.  What do I know about this person?  Do they usually aim bows and arrows at the hearts of others OR are they generally a good person who married and cares for a member of your family?  And how much do you care for that member of your family?  Does your mutual past, memories,  or shared lifetime, mean anything to you?  ....  Then, consider the source.

And after you "consider the source", pray for them.  Get on your knees and pray for their health and happiness.  Pray that you may know what they need and how to help them.  Pray that they my know the joys you have in your life, and pray for understanding.  Pray for forgiveness and gentleness of heart.

The other person in my life that I admire is my husband.  He would give away our very home to help someone in need, if I let him.  He remembers others, he prays for others.  I am so buried in getting through each tough day, but he is the one who looks around for those eternal service opportunities.  I wish someday to have the courageous heart he does.  I yearn to have his courage to speak out about what I see, and what I care about.  I wish people could see him as I do, and know that I am better because of him.  He values family.  He is the in-law, and still comes home and prays for my family.  He prays for every single need he sees, and I don't know how he does it.

Like my blog subtitle says.  My life is perfect, but I'm not ... I'm working on it.